Unapologetically and Honestly Loving Others with Reckless Abandon

" I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord' be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13&14 What an amazing promise for us to hang on to for today. I know that I tend to feel sad and think that things in my life are never going to change, then I read this verse. I am just so amazed at how this verse just popped out at me today. I must have been needing to hear it. I love when that happens, you just need a small word from God reminding you that things are different and that you are doing as He has called. I love it. I am just so glad that I am able to see that now. Thank you Lord for your small miracles everyday. I love that those are the ways that you meet us right where we are and then begin to change us and make us more like you. I wonder if those wise men who came to bring you gifts as a child ever knew that they would be apart of History the way they are. I wonder if they wouldn&

It is the day after Christmas, a day that tends to be forgotten by alot and ignored by many. I know that today for me means back to reality. I love to not always live in the now when days like today happen but I want to enjoy them. I want to appreciate them as much as we do the significant days. I think that we look so forward to other things happening in life that we miss these perfectly beautiful days. I know yesterday was a windy and crazy day for most. You were not able to enjoy the day like you were meant to, because of running around and seeing all the family and making sure you had enough time for it all. Well I know that I don't want to miss out on today's manna or todays blessings because I am living in the past or looking toward the future. I want today's blessings TODAY!!!! I want to be a blessing to others today and I want to allow God the room to bless me if that is His desire. I seem to catch myself wanting it to be another time in my life but then I tend t

Have you ever thought of what a crown actually represents? Have you ever thought why they are so important? Or why in the world they are so desired by little girls? I don't claim to understand or know it all by any means but I can give you my thoughts on it. I know that being one of those little girls what it was like to want one and to see others have it and not totally getting how come they are so desired. Even now I desire to have one, I wear one on my hand as a symbol but what do they mean? Well I see them as something that God honestly created to represent chosen or honored people. Some people in History and even today, in the countries that still have a monarchy, have some who disgrace the crown they are privileged enough to wear. Are you one of those? Are you honorable enough to wear a crown and not disgrace the family you represent? I know that there are days I can confidently say I think so but for the most part I would have to say No, it isn't reflected in my attitud

I have been out of commission in writing for a while with just so many things going on but I decided that I had a plan to be able to do this. I am just so excited for this Christmas season and I am just so glad to be able to share it with my family and friends. To think that this year is over and that we are headed for another exciting year in Christ I am just looking forward to it. I know that this next year is going to be different than I have had in a long time, if ever. God has plans for 2008. Last night I got to go and do something that I haven’t ever been able to do with people that I love. I got to go and enjoy Disneyland with them and just to watch the kids play and enjoy each other was such a treat for me. I know that God is showing me and teaching me more and more how to take in every moment and not to miss out on anything. To watch kids grow and change is showing me how precious each second is, even in the midst of a hard time. I sit here and smile at the thought that if I f

I am just so excited and have such a passion to touch my culture and now it is becoming more evident to me everyday that this is apart of God's plan for my life. I am not sure if it is on a small scale or a greater one but I am priviledged either way. I really desire to show them the love of the Lord and let them see it first hand. I know that this is probably a weird thing to say since they are a state now so we don't always look at them as another culture. There is a lot to be said about that culture though and there are things that I have just come to know about a culture that I so desire my children to know and learn. I am not sure how to explain my passion and love for this culture but I will do the best I can. There is a warm part of my soul that lights up when I hear about people going to Hawaii. It isn't for the sake of vacation or for the sake of the beauty that Hawaii is known for, it is for the love of those people. I learned that over two hundred years ago a sin

I was listening to a sermon this morning by John Courson and He was talking about a portion of the children's books " The Chronicles of Narnia." These words hit me like a ton of bricks, I love what C.S. Lewis was trying to get across when he wrote this. Aslan and Lucy are in a conversation and Lucy tells Aslan that she is thirsty. Now knowing that Aslan is a representation of Jesus Christ and so I hope you see the point I am trying to make. Aslan responds to her by telling her,"Drink of the water, Lucy." "If I drink of the water, will you promise not to eat me?" "NO! I devour kingdoms and destroy nations. I do what I choose and there is no one that can stop me. I make no promise to you." She looks at Aslan,"Well then, If you don't promise not to eat me, then I won't drink of the water." "Then you'll thirst to death, Lucy." So then she chooses to drink, and nothing happens. I agree with John Courson when he said

How is it that one day can bring you such joy like a baby's birth and then the next can bring you such anguish? I don't know the answer to that question but I know that there is a plan and a reason why. I was indirectly affected by tragedy in one instant and then almost the same minute that my mom and I were praying for that I get a call about a great victory. I had to say that was a very bitter sweet moment. What does that even mean? I am not sure but I know that life does funny things like that. I know that one sweet day I will be able to ask my creator that pushing question but for the time being I will live in the moment no matter how bitter sweet it is...

I was listening to a song the other day and I was really convicted and ashamed about the way that I act sometimes. Then today I heard that song again and it brought different meaning to me. It is so cool how that happens just like with bible, verses you read, something over and over again and then one day it hits you sideways. That is exactly what this did. The lyrics are refreshing at the same time they are convicting. "There's not a victory, without a fight. There's not a sunrise, without a night. And there's not a purchase without a cost. And there's not a Crown, without a Cross." (Michael English) I am just so amazed at how great those words are and yet how soon I forget them. Everything comes at a price nomatter how great or small it is always costs someone something. I was struggling the other night because I was having a hard time being with some particular friends and being without a boyfriend or husband. As usual I was starting to cry and feel sorry f

Today I was singing in church and an overwhelming sense of need for God came over me. It hasn't really left but it is something that is different today than before. I hate to see others in pain and not really be able to do or say anything that makes the situation better. I know there are alot of people in my church continually hurting. I see it in their eyes as I look around the room during worship. I see the lonely mother reaching for the glimpse of God's touch today, I see the kid who folds his hands and says nothing, I see the children not sure if they need to be too cool to worship or if they need to just do what their heart tells them, I also see the single girls who aren't sure why they have gotten alittle bitter at God because MR. Right hasn't shown up yet. In all that, the overwhelming sense of NEED for God comes over me once again. I see it not only in the Christians I see every week I see it at work daily. The need for God is so Great and I think that othe

I have to say that the other night I had my 10 year reunion and I am just amazed at all that God has done and is doing even now. I got to see alot of people that I haven't seen in a long time. I love it and I am just so excited to now maybe be able to stay in touch with those people. I am just so blessed to have been able to see two people who were an example to me in my youth and even now. I was so blessed to see how God can change a heart and keep it close to Him. There was a couple in my class that God had changed towards his heart, then there were others that I didn't see the light in their eyes anymore. There is just something about the love of Jesus that when you have it in you others can see. I never really noticed it until it wasn't in me for so long and yet I could see it in others and I missed it. One day God totally restored it to more than before and changed me in the process it was nice to see that in others. I just wanted to say thanks to them for being an exa

As I drove home from work today I was listening to a song that makes me want to share the love of Christ to everyone. I just figured what better way to do that then to start here, where it is easier to pour out my heart with a computer. I am preparing in this next season of life and times, to study more about my royalty as a daughter of the Most High King. I know that it is easier said then done but my goal is to make it as much of who I am, as much as loving people like breathing. Those are things that I so desire to be apart of my character. There is so much to be said for people who live that and I sure pray that one day I can somehow be an example to others. In the chorus of this song it talks about letting God speak for her instead of just using her human words to convey what her heart is for others, I sure pray that all the time. I want my heart and intensions to love others as evident as possible and the only real way for that to happen is for them to be the words of Christ and

Today as I sat looking around me at others going about their daily lives, mothers taking children to school, an elderly woman shopping for groceries, children playing as if today others didn't remember those lost. It touched my heart and made me so sad that 6 years ago we were all tuned into the television and some afraid to even leave their houses. My, How things change and we loose focus so quickly about how hard things could be and the loss of loved ones. I was sitting there and watching these people I began to think about all those kids who were unaware of all that happened. I thought back to that fateful day when I was asleep in my nice warm bed and I heard my parents talking about what was going on. I didn't know where it was and it just had this sadness all day that I couldn't shake. I looked and watched as the twin towers started to fall and cause such destruction. I wanted today to just remember those children who lost their parents in such a tragic way. I wanted

I know that there are so many things that I could say and that I could try to make sure that my words affect others but I want my words to be impacting not for my sake or for the glory to go to me. I have always been the type of person who does better as the side kick or the heroic helper. You can ask anyone I have known for more than 20 minutes that I know that my life is not about me. I am here for one purpose and one purpose only, to Glorify God. I desire others to know that freedom like I do and hopefully better than me. Freedom comes not in what we get to do but what we are purposed to do. We are purposed to take care of the amazing treasures that God has so graciously given to us. For some it is family and children, some it is friendships that last a life time,( I love you Tiff) and others it is work set before us, like missionaries. I know that no matter what the project I want it to be done with my whole heart and I want to do it WELL! Giving God all the glory comes from knowin

Have you ever written something like a story and then similarly in life it happens? Things like that happen all the time to me. So now I am always careful what I write in hopes that things are always better than I expect. I wrote a story for school one time and then come to find out a few years later it happened. I tell you this so that you know what I am saying is true. Have you ever wanted to make a difference is someone else’s life just for the benefit of someone else and not you? Have you ever thought about your words and the affect they will have as they shoot out your mouth on someone else’s life. Good or bad? Well that is what I am doing now, praying as I write that some how deep down something will tug at your soul. Whether you feel it now or not, that isn’t for me to decide. All I can do is be obedient to what God tells me to do. So here I am writing,… Coming from a Church culture that drives home the fact that once you hit 20 marriage should be your next big go

How many times have you closed your eyes to open your minds eye and want to see the King? I wait for that everyday. Most of the time it is a bit of an effort to imagine what the King of Kings will look like and how exciting that day will be. Well last sunday by no effort of my own I got to see a glimpse of Him during worship. We were singing "Majesty" by delirious and all of a sudden with my eyes closed in worship there He was, in all His splendor. He walked in the back of the sanctuary and he had this amazingly white Robe that had Gold and royal purple as its accents, He wore a big Beautiful crown. It was amazing to me to see him there in our midst. I felt His presence so much more as I watched so excitedly to see what would happen. He was just basking in the praises of His people. I couldn't see His face for in His word It says that no one can look upon His face and live but just to see honestly His Majesty right before me was overwhelming enough. I began to sing more a

I am learning so much about my gracious savior everyday and I love it. I know that He loves me no matter what I do. I know that I am the apple of His eye. I also realized that as I was driving to work this morning He even loves me when I fall. Some times I get scraped up and sometimes I get bruised, but it never fails that whatever I do as long as my heart is repenting than He is there with His big, strong daddy hands to pick me up and comfort me. I know that no matter what I do He loves me and long before I was even a thought God knew my name and had me chosen for such a time as this. I fail all the time. A mean thought, a sarcastic remark, an unnecessary look, a bad attitude, a prideful expression, all of it is all the same, it draws us away from the one we love so much. And then comes the discipline, what we try to avoid at all costs. I remember being a little girl and getting into trouble for things like talking back to my mom or sticking out my tongue at her when I didn't wa

Thank you Jesus for the cross. Thank you Jesus that I have full access to the Holy of Holies . Thank you that I am able to boldly approach the throne of grace and I am encouraged to. But in reality and in Lehman's terms what does that really mean? Can I just walk up to God and say, "Hey this is what I want and (think) I need to give it to me NOW!" By NO means is that what it is, and it is also not bashfully and quietly stammering to get the words out. I believe it is somewhere in the middle where you ask but trust that the one you are asking knows you a bit better than you know yourself and also has your best in mind. He desires to with hold NO good thing from you but we aren't always sure what a good thing is...sometimes a good thing is to feel a bit of pain so you understand someone better. Or to see someone you love suffer so that you can have compassion on others around you. Sometimes it is even NOT getting what you think you want because there is a lesson in und

As I lay here in my favorite part of the day, when little ones have drifted off to sleep and other ones are settling in for the night. There comes a peace over me that I can only describe as different. I know that I have felt its sweet sting and I know that I loose it in the hustle and bustle of everyday activities but in the still of the night it rises and I feel it stronger every day. I know that it is hurtful at times and I dread it most of the time but it is something that at this time in my life, no matter how much I pray and try to push it away it seems to almost become a reassurance that I am still moving on. Others feel it and that is one of the only things that brings me comfort when it is near. Whether it be a child at school, a married woman, a mother, or a teenager. In the still of the night it lingers in the halls and sometimes you hear it with tears. I seem to cry myself to sleep with it as it holds my hands. It is a friend to some and a foe to those who don't under

The other night I was privilaged enough to be able to be apart of an amazing time with the Lord. He spoke, He moved, and He changed us. I am just so blessed to be apart of something greater than myself. I was reading my bible today and the verses that kept coming to me were Jeremiah 29: 11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to do nothing for Him to have planned my future and given me hope. All that is Him, what I am required to do is seek Him, and seek him ernestly. I love that. Well the rest of that says, "I will be found by you," Declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banish

In life there are so many things that can seem so hurtful and so confusing as you walk through them but then you look back and realize what it was for. Do you think that as Paul was walking on the road to Damascus he was thinking I will do whatever you want Lord as long as I dont get beaten, imprisioned, whipped, or any other hard thing? NO! He was thinking that he much like us have had an encounter with the Lord of All! So the question is, What do you do next? Paul walked a hard road and I would never wish that on anyone but I know that if it made him who he was then I think he would agree with me when I say it was all worth it. For him to have been so close to death so many times I think he really knew the "Fellowship of His sufferings." Yet we all get to know "the Glory that will be revealed." I myself have walked a pretty hard road. I know some think that things in my life haven't started because of those choices that I made. But I know in my heart that God

Lord, How awesome you are precious are your words, How I desire to delight In all you say and do. I look forward to our time, When all I do is rest, The days are evil Lord, Yet sweeter on Your chest. My soul it yearns for you the day of your return, Please help me to wait patiently while secrets of you I learn.

Imagine a little girl with big brown eyes, brown hair, a Cheshire cat smile, in a purple leotard , purple tights, and a pink tutu. Well this is how my mom used to start stories about me. Whatever had gone on in my day as a little girl that my mom wanted me to learn as a lesson she would make into a story about a little girl named Pickany . Well Pickany not only was a very unoriginal name that I picked but she even now is recalled in my memory for things. See there was always a lesson Pickany needed to learn and in that she would be sad about something she did or said to someone and then she would hear Jesus whisper her name. " Pickany , Pickany , Pickany ." And obediently she would answer, "Yes Jesus." And then they would have this dialogue back and forth until she changed and understood him more. I am not sure if you have had these conversations with God but I know I have. When I am needing an answer on something or just needing to know that I am alright wher

I see the scars my sin has caused its been left on eveyone in my path, Where it be a small or large one, there I was with my sword piercing and gouging people right to the core. Now my sword has been contained, by the spirit of the Lord. how then can I now go back and cause healing in others rather than pain? I see it in my sisters eyes and heard it from her lips I see it in my fathers heart and in his casual wits The scars I've left have caused alot of pain, and seemingly more cold, but one who loves and covers me and my secrets HE will hold. He bruised and bled and died for me, and now keys to HIS kingdome I hold.

Looking back on all you've done gives me more hope of you. I see your faithfulness come alive I see that you love me and were with me through every painful step. You are so amazing to me I feel a joy in me that hasn't been there for a while. Thanks!

I see new lifetaking hold, I see a sprout. Could this winter in my life be bringing in the spring? Could the clouds be passing and Sonshine on its way. There is a joy I feel that has been a long time gone. I feel it once again, Lord. I am excited that you've come.

Seeing him standing there saying forever and meaning it what changed in this short amount of time to make him feel differently? What did I do to cause myself this amound of pain. Where can I runto make it stop this pain is too much and I thought forever was promised? My Child, I have plans for you please to give you more than you have ever dreamed Just take my hand, be patient, don't let go and trust Why do things change Lord? You said that you have my best interest in mind. How can this be your best for me? When he is and he hasn't chosen to live for you? I don't understand how that can be right? My child, I know it may not see as drastic but my heart breaks like that when you don't do what you say you will for me. I love you and so that is why I forget and forgive. Please do the same. Let him go! He is not my best for you not any more. I AM!!! I AM the best for you and I desire to show you what kind of relationship I desire for you I desire for you both to press into

I desire to know you, and I desire to see, others through your eyes, Just as you see me. I am tired of looking at life, through my eyes. This is a cry, this is a prayer please hear me, answer me tonight. Here I AM to answer you Here I AM for all you need To show you life through my eyes I see your hurt I see your shame I see you love and I see your tears Please look through my eyes. Taking on a new view Taking on a new outlook Seeing through someone else's eyes Is a whole new life.

How can you say that I am clean, Have you not truly seen me? What eyes do you see me through? I have so much baggage, I have so much to do; Before I clean myself, and bring me to you. How can you call me beautiful? Please let me see what you see Remember my child that what I see is on the inside, it is the hidden parts of your heart. You are beautiful and you are clean because of me. I see your inner beauty and I see all your potential. If you let me in and do what I want to do, then I will do what you want me to do. I love you and have big plans for you, Remember that your character only shows when hard times come and the fire brings out your Gold.

Walking this road is hard please help me to see past this storm please let me see the big picture all I see infront of me is ME! Let me step out of this let me see more I want only you and no more I need to surrender all to you I need to let it go Holding on seems better but it just keeps hurting please let me let this go. I feel pain and sorrow I know time heals all wounds But time seems to slow I wan tto try my other solutions But they leave me dry. Won't anything stop this pain?

How can I explain to you what is in my heart. I feel like I have known you all my life and then at times I feel like I don't know you at all. More than I expect, everytime I think of you, a smile comes you my face when I think of all you have done for me and all that I have accomplished because of you. I am just so amazed that you believe in me even when I don't believe in myself. I know that at times I am stubborn and at times I don't listen well but I do love you and I will do my best to show you that. I know that I am not always there when you need or desire me to be but I am only human. Demands on me sometimes make it so that I can't spend as much time with the people I love the most. I know that at times I break your heart or disappoint you with my actions but please see my heart in this and know that I never meant to hurt you. I have a love that goes deep for you, it isn't just that surface fake love that I tend to see around me. It is an everlasting love that

I am not sure how to explain the freedom I feel when I write this. I just love it because it opens up the doors for my heart to be out there and at the same time my fumble for words won't block what I try to say. I am not the best communicator when it comes to my feelings on a deep level. So that is what I want to try and use this as...a doorway to the things I want to say but at times I can't. "All I want to do is be pleasing to you, All I want to say my words get in the way. All you want to do is let your love shine through, All you want to say my flesh gets in your way." Thank you Jesus for your Faithfulness and your unconditional love for your sinful children. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for being my first love and drawing your unworthy child closer and making me worthy. Thank you for calling me your own and for giving me a new name before you.

Have you ever stopped in the midst of a rain storm just to feel the water on your face? Have you ever sat the sun on a clear day just to feel its warmth? Have you ever paused on a walk just to feel the breeze? Have you ever smiled at someone you don't know just because? Have you ever cried because you were happy? Have you ever laughed at something that others didn't think was so funny? Have you ever cried yourself to sleep hoping no one would hear you? Have you ever listened to your music so loud that you thought your ears would bleed? Have you ever? I know I have. I do them sometimes just to know that I still feel and care. I do them sometimes just to know that I don't have to always feel and care. But most of all I do them because in each of them comes Freedom. The freedom to laugh, love and touch the heart of God. If you haven't you should and believe me you will feel liberated and loved by a God who knows you by name.

I had a good night tonight. I got to spend time with some of my favorite people in my life. God has really blessed me with little girls that love me and that I love so much! I love you too Sarah and Chaddy! I want you to picture the best feeling of home that when you walk into a house and you hear one say "Hi Tamara!" and the other say " TT " I just love it and it is such a sweet place to rest. What comes to your mind when you think of Hope? When I think of Hope a smile comes to my face and tears, at times, to my eyes. Most think of something good that is about to happen, or even the Hope of the future. Well I think of a beautiful princess who loves horses and laughs when you tickle her. A bounce in her step and excitment of her bright future. Someone curious to know everything and loves you as you are. About a year and a half ago God really grabbed my heart, although He had been pursuing me and loving me long before that. He did it in a little girl named Hope. He

Tonight I was just introduced to this new idea ( atleast for me) of blogging. My friend (thanks Kathleen) says that she wants to live in the now so that is what I am doing. I guess for me I love to live in the now! I think that has been my problem all along. I don't look to the past or future I only see NOW! That is why I have caused so much pain. I know that things are different now but I still see myself prone to so much failure. I know that I am not the person I once was, By God's grace I am a new creation, the old has gone...the new has come. Thank you Jesus!!!!! I know that we are always told by the world around us that all that matters is what you want and stepping on the next person to get to the top of that sucess ladder. But What If I told you that in doing that you will find you have climbed the wrong ladder. My life isn't here to please you and it isn't here to even please me it is here for the one who sent me. I said I am a new creation, well that means th