Unapologetically and Honestly Loving Others with Reckless Abandon

How many times have you closed your eyes to open your minds eye and want to see the King? I wait for that everyday. Most of the time it is a bit of an effort to imagine what the King of Kings will look like and how exciting that day will be. Well last sunday by no effort of my own I got to see a glimpse of Him during worship. We were singing "Majesty" by delirious and all of a sudden with my eyes closed in worship there He was, in all His splendor. He walked in the back of the sanctuary and he had this amazingly white Robe that had Gold and royal purple as its accents, He wore a big Beautiful crown. It was amazing to me to see him there in our midst. I felt His presence so much more as I watched so excitedly to see what would happen. He was just basking in the praises of His people. I couldn't see His face for in His word It says that no one can look upon His face and live but just to see honestly His Majesty right before me was overwhelming enough. I began to sing more a

I am learning so much about my gracious savior everyday and I love it. I know that He loves me no matter what I do. I know that I am the apple of His eye. I also realized that as I was driving to work this morning He even loves me when I fall. Some times I get scraped up and sometimes I get bruised, but it never fails that whatever I do as long as my heart is repenting than He is there with His big, strong daddy hands to pick me up and comfort me. I know that no matter what I do He loves me and long before I was even a thought God knew my name and had me chosen for such a time as this. I fail all the time. A mean thought, a sarcastic remark, an unnecessary look, a bad attitude, a prideful expression, all of it is all the same, it draws us away from the one we love so much. And then comes the discipline, what we try to avoid at all costs. I remember being a little girl and getting into trouble for things like talking back to my mom or sticking out my tongue at her when I didn't wa

Thank you Jesus for the cross. Thank you Jesus that I have full access to the Holy of Holies . Thank you that I am able to boldly approach the throne of grace and I am encouraged to. But in reality and in Lehman's terms what does that really mean? Can I just walk up to God and say, "Hey this is what I want and (think) I need to give it to me NOW!" By NO means is that what it is, and it is also not bashfully and quietly stammering to get the words out. I believe it is somewhere in the middle where you ask but trust that the one you are asking knows you a bit better than you know yourself and also has your best in mind. He desires to with hold NO good thing from you but we aren't always sure what a good thing is...sometimes a good thing is to feel a bit of pain so you understand someone better. Or to see someone you love suffer so that you can have compassion on others around you. Sometimes it is even NOT getting what you think you want because there is a lesson in und

As I lay here in my favorite part of the day, when little ones have drifted off to sleep and other ones are settling in for the night. There comes a peace over me that I can only describe as different. I know that I have felt its sweet sting and I know that I loose it in the hustle and bustle of everyday activities but in the still of the night it rises and I feel it stronger every day. I know that it is hurtful at times and I dread it most of the time but it is something that at this time in my life, no matter how much I pray and try to push it away it seems to almost become a reassurance that I am still moving on. Others feel it and that is one of the only things that brings me comfort when it is near. Whether it be a child at school, a married woman, a mother, or a teenager. In the still of the night it lingers in the halls and sometimes you hear it with tears. I seem to cry myself to sleep with it as it holds my hands. It is a friend to some and a foe to those who don't under

The other night I was privilaged enough to be able to be apart of an amazing time with the Lord. He spoke, He moved, and He changed us. I am just so blessed to be apart of something greater than myself. I was reading my bible today and the verses that kept coming to me were Jeremiah 29: 11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to do nothing for Him to have planned my future and given me hope. All that is Him, what I am required to do is seek Him, and seek him ernestly. I love that. Well the rest of that says, "I will be found by you," Declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banish

In life there are so many things that can seem so hurtful and so confusing as you walk through them but then you look back and realize what it was for. Do you think that as Paul was walking on the road to Damascus he was thinking I will do whatever you want Lord as long as I dont get beaten, imprisioned, whipped, or any other hard thing? NO! He was thinking that he much like us have had an encounter with the Lord of All! So the question is, What do you do next? Paul walked a hard road and I would never wish that on anyone but I know that if it made him who he was then I think he would agree with me when I say it was all worth it. For him to have been so close to death so many times I think he really knew the "Fellowship of His sufferings." Yet we all get to know "the Glory that will be revealed." I myself have walked a pretty hard road. I know some think that things in my life haven't started because of those choices that I made. But I know in my heart that God

Lord, How awesome you are precious are your words, How I desire to delight In all you say and do. I look forward to our time, When all I do is rest, The days are evil Lord, Yet sweeter on Your chest. My soul it yearns for you the day of your return, Please help me to wait patiently while secrets of you I learn.

Imagine a little girl with big brown eyes, brown hair, a Cheshire cat smile, in a purple leotard , purple tights, and a pink tutu. Well this is how my mom used to start stories about me. Whatever had gone on in my day as a little girl that my mom wanted me to learn as a lesson she would make into a story about a little girl named Pickany . Well Pickany not only was a very unoriginal name that I picked but she even now is recalled in my memory for things. See there was always a lesson Pickany needed to learn and in that she would be sad about something she did or said to someone and then she would hear Jesus whisper her name. " Pickany , Pickany , Pickany ." And obediently she would answer, "Yes Jesus." And then they would have this dialogue back and forth until she changed and understood him more. I am not sure if you have had these conversations with God but I know I have. When I am needing an answer on something or just needing to know that I am alright wher

I see the scars my sin has caused its been left on eveyone in my path, Where it be a small or large one, there I was with my sword piercing and gouging people right to the core. Now my sword has been contained, by the spirit of the Lord. how then can I now go back and cause healing in others rather than pain? I see it in my sisters eyes and heard it from her lips I see it in my fathers heart and in his casual wits The scars I've left have caused alot of pain, and seemingly more cold, but one who loves and covers me and my secrets HE will hold. He bruised and bled and died for me, and now keys to HIS kingdome I hold.

Looking back on all you've done gives me more hope of you. I see your faithfulness come alive I see that you love me and were with me through every painful step. You are so amazing to me I feel a joy in me that hasn't been there for a while. Thanks!

I see new lifetaking hold, I see a sprout. Could this winter in my life be bringing in the spring? Could the clouds be passing and Sonshine on its way. There is a joy I feel that has been a long time gone. I feel it once again, Lord. I am excited that you've come.

Seeing him standing there saying forever and meaning it what changed in this short amount of time to make him feel differently? What did I do to cause myself this amound of pain. Where can I runto make it stop this pain is too much and I thought forever was promised? My Child, I have plans for you please to give you more than you have ever dreamed Just take my hand, be patient, don't let go and trust Why do things change Lord? You said that you have my best interest in mind. How can this be your best for me? When he is and he hasn't chosen to live for you? I don't understand how that can be right? My child, I know it may not see as drastic but my heart breaks like that when you don't do what you say you will for me. I love you and so that is why I forget and forgive. Please do the same. Let him go! He is not my best for you not any more. I AM!!! I AM the best for you and I desire to show you what kind of relationship I desire for you I desire for you both to press into

I desire to know you, and I desire to see, others through your eyes, Just as you see me. I am tired of looking at life, through my eyes. This is a cry, this is a prayer please hear me, answer me tonight. Here I AM to answer you Here I AM for all you need To show you life through my eyes I see your hurt I see your shame I see you love and I see your tears Please look through my eyes. Taking on a new view Taking on a new outlook Seeing through someone else's eyes Is a whole new life.

How can you say that I am clean, Have you not truly seen me? What eyes do you see me through? I have so much baggage, I have so much to do; Before I clean myself, and bring me to you. How can you call me beautiful? Please let me see what you see Remember my child that what I see is on the inside, it is the hidden parts of your heart. You are beautiful and you are clean because of me. I see your inner beauty and I see all your potential. If you let me in and do what I want to do, then I will do what you want me to do. I love you and have big plans for you, Remember that your character only shows when hard times come and the fire brings out your Gold.

Walking this road is hard please help me to see past this storm please let me see the big picture all I see infront of me is ME! Let me step out of this let me see more I want only you and no more I need to surrender all to you I need to let it go Holding on seems better but it just keeps hurting please let me let this go. I feel pain and sorrow I know time heals all wounds But time seems to slow I wan tto try my other solutions But they leave me dry. Won't anything stop this pain?

How can I explain to you what is in my heart. I feel like I have known you all my life and then at times I feel like I don't know you at all. More than I expect, everytime I think of you, a smile comes you my face when I think of all you have done for me and all that I have accomplished because of you. I am just so amazed that you believe in me even when I don't believe in myself. I know that at times I am stubborn and at times I don't listen well but I do love you and I will do my best to show you that. I know that I am not always there when you need or desire me to be but I am only human. Demands on me sometimes make it so that I can't spend as much time with the people I love the most. I know that at times I break your heart or disappoint you with my actions but please see my heart in this and know that I never meant to hurt you. I have a love that goes deep for you, it isn't just that surface fake love that I tend to see around me. It is an everlasting love that

I am not sure how to explain the freedom I feel when I write this. I just love it because it opens up the doors for my heart to be out there and at the same time my fumble for words won't block what I try to say. I am not the best communicator when it comes to my feelings on a deep level. So that is what I want to try and use this as...a doorway to the things I want to say but at times I can't. "All I want to do is be pleasing to you, All I want to say my words get in the way. All you want to do is let your love shine through, All you want to say my flesh gets in your way." Thank you Jesus for your Faithfulness and your unconditional love for your sinful children. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for being my first love and drawing your unworthy child closer and making me worthy. Thank you for calling me your own and for giving me a new name before you.

Have you ever stopped in the midst of a rain storm just to feel the water on your face? Have you ever sat the sun on a clear day just to feel its warmth? Have you ever paused on a walk just to feel the breeze? Have you ever smiled at someone you don't know just because? Have you ever cried because you were happy? Have you ever laughed at something that others didn't think was so funny? Have you ever cried yourself to sleep hoping no one would hear you? Have you ever listened to your music so loud that you thought your ears would bleed? Have you ever? I know I have. I do them sometimes just to know that I still feel and care. I do them sometimes just to know that I don't have to always feel and care. But most of all I do them because in each of them comes Freedom. The freedom to laugh, love and touch the heart of God. If you haven't you should and believe me you will feel liberated and loved by a God who knows you by name.

I had a good night tonight. I got to spend time with some of my favorite people in my life. God has really blessed me with little girls that love me and that I love so much! I love you too Sarah and Chaddy! I want you to picture the best feeling of home that when you walk into a house and you hear one say "Hi Tamara!" and the other say " TT " I just love it and it is such a sweet place to rest. What comes to your mind when you think of Hope? When I think of Hope a smile comes to my face and tears, at times, to my eyes. Most think of something good that is about to happen, or even the Hope of the future. Well I think of a beautiful princess who loves horses and laughs when you tickle her. A bounce in her step and excitment of her bright future. Someone curious to know everything and loves you as you are. About a year and a half ago God really grabbed my heart, although He had been pursuing me and loving me long before that. He did it in a little girl named Hope. He