Unapologetically and Honestly Loving Others with Reckless Abandon

I want to ask you a question. How close are you to Jesus? Do you hear his very heartbeat? Do you know what comes next? Do you know that even in moments of despair God cries with you, yet in the next moment when joy comes, He will rejoice with you too? There is a woman in the Bible who has desperately caught my attention. She is the one that I believe knew the Lord so intimately that she saw things even before His disciples did. And I am not talking about his mother Mary either. I am talking about the Sister to Martha and Lazarus. I am talking about that Mary. I can say that the relationship she had with Jesus and the choices she made, I want to be more like her. I want to always choose what is better. I want to be humble and close to the heart of Jesus. In Luke 10:38-42 we are introduced to Mary and her sister Martha. I am not sure why she stands out to me so much but I am sure that it is because I am more like her than Martha. I want to clarify something first. I am not saying Jesus d

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men." Matt 15:8&9 (Isaiah 29:13) This is a very true statement of how a lot of people and churches are here in Tonga. There is more tradition than relationship with God. They have all these rules about Sunday which seems amazing, and the fact that they honor the sabbath like that is great, but when you see everyone all dressed up in their church clothes, you can't tell who the true christians are and who aren't. Its amazing to see that everything is closed on Sundays and I mean everything except the bread shops. and And that ever one is at rest, but that is all it is to some people. Just to give you an idea, the police patrol and if a Tongan is at the Tahi (Beach) swimming on Sunday they get into trouble. The kids can't really go outside and play. They have to stay inside and rest. This is just so strange to me, but I lov

First I want to say that I have been trying all day to upload the audio that goes with this blog but I will figure it out and add it to the page later. I hope you enjoy... Just to give you an idea about what an amazing ministry this radio is here I want to share a couple of stories with you. There is a family on the west side of the Island that heard the Bible teachings on the Radio but their reception wasn't good. Due to their hunger for the word, they built their own antenna around their house and into the trees so they can hear about Jesus. On the day of the International Prayer the radio hosted, a little girl about 6 or 7 years old called in crying and praying for the persecuted around the world. This urged many adults to also call in and pray. They realized that if a young girl can recognize the freedom they have here in the islands, they should pray more as well. These are just a couple stories from phone calls we have received. I hope you can see how important this R

I am coming to the realization that leaving here is going to be one of the hardest things I do. I am really not looking forward to that day. I know that it is necessary in this growing time God has for me, but I am telling you that I have made great friends here. Friends who are honest, love me for just being me, and let me be silly with them. I know that going home I have friends and family that love me there and so I look forward to seeing them, but honestly if I could merge the two worlds together I would. I know God will give me the strength to make it through and I know that He has this all in His plan, but gosh, how does anyone live when there heart is split in two places? I am not sure and I am not sure how that will go, but for now, I am enjoying the Sunshine and warm weather. I am enjoying the new faces that have stolen my heart and made this trip unforgettable. I am honored and blessed that these amazing souls have welcomed me into their hearts and lives. Even if it is for a

God has really been drilling into my brain John chapter 10. He is the Good Shepherd and as His sheep we know His voice. I believe that God has been speaking to me about a lot of things going on and changing in me. There are things that I am confident God has said, and then things that I am not as confident about. I think due to my lack of faith or doubt, I have been needing God to confirm things He has already said. Now in my head I KNOW that I hear the voice of the Lord and I KNOW that He speaks to me, yet in certain things I hesitate to act swiftly because of the lack of faith there. He is training my ear to hear Him and Him alone. I want to make sure that I ONLY hear what He has to say to me and what He wants me to do. I want to make sure that I am doing exactly what He wants, no more and NO LESS! I want to make sure that my ear is being trained here so that when I go back home, I can carry that with me into my next adventure for the rest of my life. I want to make sure that I am co

I think it is so funny that we sing a song about letting it rain at church and then it rains here for two days and should probably stop around Saturday or Sunday. I think it is funny because her know that we need rain here in Tonga and it is so good for it, but just like at home for me, when it rains, I get sick. I am not a fan of rain for that very reason. Maybe that is why I love the wind so much and am drawn to that. I am sitting here in the cafe, being cold for the first time in my time here and coughing like crazy. But I have to say that in some small way, it is amazing to be here even though I may not feel great. I love that God uses these times to show how great and mighty He is. :)

November 13th is a very important day for the Christian community and I hope that you were able to share in it a little bit. It is the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. At the radio station we had all day prayer and intercession On-Air for the persecuted across the world. We placed posters up of the people that have been affected by this. It is heart-wrenching to see these people suffer. Here at the station we had a bunch of people come in at different times and just pray together and war in a way that was totally selfless. I believe that as we join together for a cause that is totally selfless and outside of our wants and needs, God can move even more freely because we just desire for God to strengthen those people and to give them more opportunity to share Christ with others. I want to leave you with some pictures that touched my heart. I pray they touch yours too. This is a woman who went to the peaceful protesting in Egypt with her Fiance'. He told her not

Today is the day for me to catch up on all my writing and to be able to have a bit of free time to do anything else that has lingered throughout the day. I am looking forward to this time and catching up on my writing and all. I know that God wants me to be able to enjoy the time I have left here. I am praying to see what direction I need to take once I get back and how everything God has shared with me will work out. I am excited to see what God is going to do. As I sit here in this radio station working I am reminded of God's Grace. He chooses to love me, protect me, give me things, and speak to me when He doesn't have to. I am so humbled that God wants to be apart of everything I do. This morning, I felt His excitement for the day ahead and how much He wanted to share with me. I felt like He had been waiting all night to share the morning with me, to share His heart with me, and to show me in His word the promises that He has given to me. This is going to be a great day beca

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6 God has been speaking to me so clearly here about so many things. About my future, about current challenges, about things going on here, about a variety of subjects. He has been proving Himself as well, as I begin to trust more in Him and rely more on Him, He begins to move. Funny how we tend to think the opposite is true. We tend to think that as we do it ourselves that proves something to God that we are capable of working so that He can come in and help. That isn't what He wants for us at all. He wants for us to earnestly seek Him as we go about our daily lives so that HE and HE ALONE can accomplish what He has set for us to do. I love that He desires to use us as we FULLY RELY ON HIM. He has BIG things if we seek Him. I believe that God is steadily answering my prayers about changing me, comple

I love when God surprises you with what He says in His word. Last night I was battling something in my own head and God VERY clearly spoke a verse to me. Now I have read this verse many times and until yesterday it was just a great verse and was nice to read. NOW it is ALIVE and has brought great peace to my soul, so I wanted to share it with you.  Habakukk 2:1-3:  I will stand at my watch    and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me,    and what answer I am to give to this complaint. [ a ] The LORD’s Answer   2   Then the LORD replied:    “Write down the revelation    and make it plain on tablets    so that a herald [ b ]  may run with it. 3  For the revelation awaits an appointed time;    it speaks of the end    and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it;    it [ c ]  will certainly come    and will not delay. This brought me so much peace yesterday and has stirred a fire in me that I am excited to see how it goes.

"Lord, I saw your face last night When I looked in the sky You were smiling You told me it would be okay You would make a way In my dark times CHORUS: Every time I hear your voice Every time I feel your touch It makes me know that I can face tomorrow One more time When all my friends go away I'll be glad to say You're still near me Even when the wind blows by I feel warm inside You're so lovely CHORUS I need you, don't leave me Without you I can't survive CHORUS I know that I can face tomorrow 'Cause you will walk me through My pain and sorrow I know that I can face tomorrow One more time I can face tomorrow You can face tomorrow We can face tomorrow One more time" One more time-The Katinas If you haven't listened to this song, I suggest you do. I had someone here show me this song, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Its funny how when you hear a song, and you know the person, you can tell exactly what is in their

I can't believe that I am half way through my trip. I am so excited to see what else God is going to do. I am blessed to see that God has so much more for me here. I have begun to spend more time with the members from my church here and I have truly fallen in love with them. I can see how years of religion has beaten them down. I am so grateful to have a pastor here who speaks the truth to them and tells them what the Bible says, no more, no less than what God says in His word. I love it and I pray that God will continue to touch lives here. So today I ask for your prayer for our Pastor, his wife who is sick in the hospital. His name is Pastor Peni Finau so if you can please lift him up and his family. Thank you! I know that God is going to move as His people pray. I pray that you are blessed today as you intercede for others that you may never meet. Thank you so much for your prayers and know that I miss you and can't wait to share what God has done here in The Kingdom of Tong

I wanted to just share a bit of my heart with you today. God has really been drilling into me that this season for me is to get me to break free from some of the things at home that hold me back from totally doing what He needs me to do. This season is to break the records that play over and over in my head. Things like I have to do something different than what God has placed before me, that I have to be someone I am not just to make others happy. For example, I am more like Mary than Martha. Anyone who knows me for 5 seconds can figure that out, and although there is a season for working and running around, I will always choose to sit at the feet of Jesus over running around like crazy because there is so much more freedom, peace, rest, and the ability to gain wisdom when we sit in His presence. I will tell you that God is getting through to those things that I knew were there before but He just couldn't get to. The voices of others and the voices of my own flesh were just to lou

I am so blown away at the way that God has changed me and I have only been here for 5 weeks. I am so blessed and excited to see what is coming next. I know that He has so much for me in this short time while I am here and what He wants to teach me before I return home different than when I left. I am glad to say that He isn't done with me yet either. He has taught me already how to hear His voice more clearly and how to trust in Him alone. I know that God has things to show me here that will help me for the rest of my life. Thank you Lord for your favor and your rich blessings Thank you Lord for your love and your grace. Thank you Lord that You choose to use a sinner saved by Grace like me. Thank you Lord that I am here because this is where Your presence for me is. Thank you that YOU have brought me to a place of still waters and rest. Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning and that I get to have the privilege of knowing you so magnificently in my life. Thank you f

I share this with you so that you can understand what God is doing to change me and make me live outside of my feelings and circumstances. The place I live is wonderful, it is full of love, joy, laughter about jokes we have had being altogether, but then when the night comes and everyone goes to sleep, it gets quiet and other things happen. Now coming from a household where roaches are the enemy and my parents and now my brother in law go on roach hunts, I now live in a place where roaches reside. Now please understand that this isn't a complaining post by me, it is something God is changing in me and teaching me through these small creatures. The other night, after a great night of fellowship and the word at our evening service, I believe God had a job for me to do and so reluctantly I learned and hopefully passed the test. I went to bed feeling tired from the day and as I laid down with in 20 minutes I was awaken by a roach in my room, running around and trying to get to me in my

I know I have been sharing my experiences with you and yet this morning, I feel like I need to share with you what God showed me during my time with Him this morning. Its Luke 5:33-6:5, It talks about the religious leaders asking Jesus about fasting and then the disciples picking wheat on the Sabbath. If you haven't read it, please take the time to read it so you get a sense of what I am talking about. Jesus was talking to the religious leaders about fasting and they couldn't understand how come His disciples didn't fast and pray. Then He spoke of the parable of the old wine skins and the new wine skins. I have read this portion of scripture many times in church and things and yet today I caught something new. Jesus was telling the old religious leaders that they were so set in their ways that the new ideas Jesus taught they wouldn't understand because of their rigid thinking. And then it goes on to talk about the Disciples picking wheat on the Sabbath. And again he sha

I was honored when I was asked to speak to the youth of Tonga Faith Church (the Church I attend) and to share with them last Friday night. I prayed and God spoke through me about Extraordinary people who all had one thing in common, Obedience. I shared with them about Joseph, Esther, Samuel and Jesus Himself and how they were all obedient to God's calling and the plan He had set before each of them. I was shared that each  of them had a choice and they had an opportunity to be obedient, even if it cost them their lives. And for Jesus I shared that He was obedient even unto death. I shared a little of my testimony and that I chose to be obedient when the Lord called me out of my prison almost 6 years ago now. Like it says in 1 Samuel 15:22-"Obedience is better than sacrifice," and sometimes Obedience IS our sacrifice. That isn't always the case but sometimes it is. We need to recognize that there are moments when we obey the word of the Lord and He honors that AS our s

'Oholei Beach is a place that I went to last Wednesday night and had a great time. Its dinner and a show. I went with the girls that I go into the schools with and teach the bible to High School, Jr. High, and elementary schools. This place has an amazing presence of God that rests upon it because the Gospel message is preached every time they pray over dinner. It is just such a huge blessing to be in a place that declares biblical principals to people visiting from everywhere. I was so blessed to be there and experience that. The owner is an undercover minister, and preaches like it too. He loves the Lord and honors God with his work. It is pretty amazing place to go to. They have all different kinds of Tongan food there, fish which I didn't eat but then they have the suckling pig, and potatoes and this great dessert. Then we got to watch a show. It was incredible. I have videos and things that I will upload when I get back home because of the internet here but it was pretty i

Today I am sitting here at the station writing, looking out the door at the beauty God has created and watching the wind swirl around. I am so excited about the season that is coming, not just in the spiritual but in the physical. I get to experience something here in Tonga that I don't get to experience in Southern California. Warm weather and something maybe scary to you, but cyclone season is coming. I am so sure that to you, I sound crazy. CYCLONE Season?!?!? But I love wind and the power it has to make things new in a different way than any rain can ever do. I know that it can be scary and it can do damage to things differently, but at least in my life, there is something that changes in me with the wind. I am watching the trees rustle and the grass wave as the wind blows and I can just see God moving in through wind. I can feel the gentle kiss of breeze on my skin and know that somehow change is coming, whether in me or around me, change is coming. I guess I like the calm fee

I went to a Fijian church service yesterday and that was such a cool experience for me. I got to see them sing, dance and just share their talents with us. I was blessed to be able to be there and to witness Jesus in other nations too. I am just blown away at the love that these people have not just for each other but for the Lord. I took videos and things from the service yesterday that I will share once I get home but I wanted to share about what God showed me there. I was sitting in the audience enjoying how amazing God is and how He created us all so different and yet similar on so many levels. While listening to the pastor, I turned around and saw some girls that I recognized from the church I have been attending. It was so nice to see familiar faces in the midst of a crowd of people I didn't know. They are the youth of that church who sing and are apart of the worship team, so I got to talk with them and hang out with them after the service when they had the food. It was just

I got to go to the elementary school on Friday and share with them about Jesus in their bible class. I had about 35 kids in one class and it was just me. I was nervous, I wanted to say the right thing and talk to them about something that was relatable to them, so I shared a little about me and then asked them some questions. I had them lead some songs so that we could dance around a bit and then get serious into the bible. I wanted to make sure I shared the Gospel with them so I did what I knew to do best, fly by the seat of my pants, and share Jesus with them. I asked them questions about what they knew about the bible and then talked about Jesus' life. I had them close their eyes and I walked them through what a barn smelled like, and I described what it could have been like where Jesus was born. I explained to them that this was a gross and unhealthy place for a baby to be born and yet allowed them to connect it. See here in Tonga they have a monarchy. They know what it is like

I have been reading through the life of Jesus and reading through Luke and the first parts of Matthew. I love comparing what is written and seeing it from so many points of view and to learn about it on different levels. I am in Luke 4 right now where Jesus was being tempted by Satan and where he was when this happened. Man, I feel like I can relate to where Jesus was and how He was feeling. But the interesting part of this chapter my commentary pointed out was that, Jesus had one of the best days thus far in His earthly life, He had just been baptized and the Holy Spirit came upon Him. WOW! That is so cool, and then the Holy Spirit led Him into the Desert. Is that what you read too? He lead Him into the DESERT?!?! Why when Jesus had one of the best days, did the Holy Spirit, apart of God, apart of Jesus, lead Him there? Well the commentary mentioned, which I thought was so cool, was that more often than not, the Holy Spirit leads us into the desert to let us know what we are made of.

I am not sure you find this to be true but I do, at times the Lord is moving I see that the weather reflects the spiritual out pouring of the spirit. Yesterday I had been listening to this song by Jesus Culture, it talks about rain and letting it rain. I am so amazed that last night it poured and rained the better part of the evening and the picture above is what is left. It just shows the difference in even just places because last night on the news the Anchor was talking about how Samoa and a couple other islands are in a drought. They can't get water and are in desperate need, yet God literally opened up the floodgates of Heaven last night and poured out rain here. I am not sure why God is doing this there in the Islands but I know it has a purpose. I hope that you and I can pray for those islands. Not having rain in a long time for them is so different because that just doesn't seem to happen in the Islands but I am sure God has His reasons. I pray that the Lord will unleas

I have to say that the past two weeks here have been hard, sticky, tearful, struggled through and fought for A LOT! I have felt beat up and knocked around more than I can even count. I have needed a major attitude adjustment and I think I have finally come to grips with the fact that this is my life for the next two months. I feel like I need to give you a real sense of life in the Islands. The food is different and maybe not as clean as we are used to, the roads have potholes, it rains a lot, trash gets burned, dogs run wild, and yet it is BEAUTIFUL! I don't say these things in a bad way, but I say them to give you an idea of what the environment is like. I knew it would be hard, spiritual warfare would RAGE, that my soul would be challenged daily but today I feel better for the battle. It wasn't that I was away from home or that I miss everyone, which I do but I know I am here for a purpose so that was the easy part. The part that was hard was allowing my mind to catch up to

Last night I went to our discipleship class that is held in a home on another part of the island. We arrived early and as I walked in, the family whose house I was in had something getting set up for me. I felt so honored. I was greeted with fruits, coconut juice strait from the coconut and a beautiful flower necklace. I was so humbled and taken with this amazing display of love and honor they gave to me. I am nothing and no one special without MY JESUS to go before me. I am not someone who wants to think that I am better than I am. I want to always be mindful that I am DUST and if the Lord wasn't please with me, He could take my life in a second. I am not worthy of being in a place of honor, ONLY God is worthy of that and I give Him all the praise for His amazing love. I got to share a bit about me and how I came to this place. I shared how at 6 years old told the Lord if He wanted me to GO I would GO, bags packed and all. I shared about where I came from and that I struggled an

I am honored to be in a country that honors God, even if they don't realize it. If you take a look at their flag it is red because of the blood of Jesus and white because of the cleansing power of Christ's blood. I just love that. I want to share with you something that I have come to love about this country and it isn't what you think, it is a new sport that I am learning and starting to really love. RUBGY! Its awesome! Its like watching Soccer, Hockey (for the fights) and American Football. I love this game. I am not sure if you have watched Rugby or anything like that but when the Pacific Island teams play, before engaging in the game, they do a traditional war dance native to their country. Such as, New Zealand  who do what they call the "haka" which is used to try and intimidate the other team. I am learning so much about all of these things that I have enjoyed and watched for so long. I learned that New Zealand and even Samoa some of the war dances are invol

"Don't close your eyes,  Are you who you wanna be? Is it everything you dreamed that it would be,  When the world was younger,  and you had everything to loose." This is your life-Switchfoot Those are some powerful words, when I needed God to shine His truth and light to me, He did through this song. I have been sick with my allergies and congestion pretty much since I walked off the plane, but I want you to know that God has totally used this to humble me and let me rely more completely on Him. I have been really under the weather for a few days and it has been really difficult to cope with that when my family is far away. BUT don't you know that God is faithful to give you exactly what you need at the right time. He gave me a loving kick in the butt and yet let me cry it out. These past few days have made me reflect even more on this song than I ever have before. I love this song and I have listened to it for years. Don't you know that God will reveal som

I love that this is like a journal that I can keep and go back to every once in a while and see how amazing this trip has already been for me. I am blessed to see how receptive people are to me and how they all desire to have me come back and be apart of what they are doing. I am so blessed. Man, we could take a lesson from these people. They LOVE me without question, hesitation, suspicion and all the other things that us as westerners allow to get in the way of us caring for others. Whether it be mistrust, hurt, protection of the REAL us, or whatever the case may be, I know that we could take a lesson in love. It even is shown in the way they greet each other. They kiss the cheek of someone who they don't even know, just to greet them, I think we have gotten so far away from that and it makes me sad. I know that I wasn't raised in the polynesian culture, but I have it within me to be that kind of a person to others. Someone who loves boundlessly, freely, fearlessly, recklessly

I love that being here has encouraged me to make sure that I am in my word and make sure I am prayed up. Not necessarily because trials but because of the love that the people here, have for the Lord and they want to talk about God at all times. If you aren't one who is ready in season and out of season and want to be, you should think about coming here and spending some time with the people here. I have been asked to share at a small group and to share in the family devotions that we have nightly before the kids go to be, at the house I am staying at. I LOVE this family and I pray that I can be a blessing to them as much as they are to me. One of my new friends here is named Sia and everyday she just desires to be with her Jesus and to talk about Him all day, all the time. WOW!!! What an example to have in my life, she is amazing and she just desires to let others know about how wonderful her Jesus is. I am seriously floored at the passion, devotion, desire, and love these people

So I have officially been on the RADIO!!! Hahahaha!!! It was amazing, last night I was given the opportunity to share my testimony on the radio station here and I was truly blessed and blown away by the reality of what has happened in my life. I shared why I am here and the Host she asked me if I realized what I left to come here. I explained that when God calls, it doesn't matter what you have to leave, if you want to have a deeper walk with God, then you will do what HE has asked of you. I know that God has a plan and that no matter what, I am here to share the saving love of Jesus. I am so blessed that God has chosen someone like me. I am grateful to be available and used by the Lord. This has been such an amazing opportunity already and I am just a week into it. I can't wait to see what God is going to do during this time. The Host that I worked with last night is a teacher at the High School and she is single and around my age so it has been great to get to know her and to

I am finally HERE, the place my heart has longed for, the place I have missed and never been to. I am sitting in the office of the radio station I will primarily be working with and staying near. It has already been such a blessing to be here with a warm and hospitable people. I am blessed to know that no matter where I am in the world, being with believers is always home. Yesterday was my very first service with the Tongan people and I was at home, because the Spirit of the Lord was there. I was asked to get up and share, so that was even more amazing. I cried the entire time because the presence of the Lord was so strong. I walked in to the service and began to cry a bit because I was in the house of the Lord. It was such a blessing and I was so happy to be able to fellowship with others who truly love the Lord. Then after our souls were fed, they had lunch for us. It was amazing. I am learning so many things and I am trying to make sure that I am making myself available for all th

I am sitting in the airport in Sydney and writing this so that I can keep everyone up to date. After a partly sleepless night, because who can REALLY sleep sitting up in a hard chair, I am now sitting again and waiting for my next flight. I have already learned somethings about myself that I wanted to have as apart of  my character, but never could show. I am stronger than I realized. I thought for sure I would break down and cry all the way here, but in fact I have actually gotten more excited. I have realized that I have been prepping for this my whole life. I have ALWAYS wanted to be in this part of the world and I have always had a heart for people who reacted to life the same way I do. I am just to honored and humbled at this realization that I came to. God has ALWAYS had this in His plan and to see it all unfold is incredible. Even just this short time I have been gone has changed relationships for the better, God has freed me from bondages in relationship and given me a clearer

Sitting here in my room packing all the things that I will need over the next twelve weeks is an interesting duty. How do you pick pieces of your life to take with you? How do you decide which pictures or parts of memories will be needed over the next few months? How do you decide what should go and what should stay? This is hard but I guess its just a form of what we do in our spiritual lives everyday. Someone says something mean to us, we react poorly to a family member, we smile when we think of the ones we love, and the joy that we get from knowing a Savior walks with us. What do we take with us on the road of life and what do we leave behind? What memories of joy and sorrow do we choose to hold on to so that we can be better, and what joys and sorrows make us bitter? How do we choose what to pack in our hearts? I am not writing this because I have an answer, a bible verse or a clever quote by a spiritual mentor in the Faith. I am simply asking because I think we should remember th

Well I am so excited to say that the time has come for me to begin on my new adventure. I am so excited and yet a little nervous. I know this is what God wants me to do, as I type this, I remember back to the night that I found Pacific Partners online and that first email to Graham. I am so excited and I just know that God has such an amazing plan in all of this. I am asking that as you read this you will keep me in prayer. I know that I need to make sure that I am continually attentive to the voice of the Lord. I am stepping out in faith and heading in an unfamiliar direction. I know this time isn't going to be easy being away but I know that it is so important for me to go. This will be my platform to stay in touch with everyone and I am just so excited to see what God is going to do and how He is going to do this. Thank you for your love, prayers and support. Please feel free to email me and I will make sure to return them upon receipt. May Jesus bless your day!

The other day I was under a bit of stress and confusion about a few things. It was really interesting at how God totally took the situation and redirected my focus back on Him. I am so excited to see how God speaks, when I am willing to turn my ear to Him. I love that God desires my attention and He will do WHATEVER it takes to get to my heart. I love that God loves me that much that He desires my undivided attention. So when I decided to listen He spoke VERY clearly. I was supposed to go and visit my sister and her family, but plans got changed and so in that very moment I had a choice to make. I could get really upset, which really had no warrant, or I could choose joy and realize that God had something else for me to do that night. I made myself available to God and He made things incredible. I love that God has His way every time. I was sitting there trying to figure out what I needed to read and God spoke again. He asked me to read Habakkuk and since I have not ever read that book

...is " I Refuse" because usually I am having to say that to my flesh and my nature. I have to constantly remind myself that I am NOT the same person I was and that I need to make sure that I am hearing God. I have to REFUSE to be afraid like I tend to get at times and I have to REFUSE to give into my flesh. I have to REFUSE to live like I don't have a loving Savior who rescued me and I have to REFUSE to allow the enemies lies to penetrate my heart. I have to REFUSE to put myself first and I have to REFUSE to get distracted by the things of this world. I have to CHOOSE life, I have to CHOOSE joy, I have to CHOOSE peace and I have to CHOOSE to be obedient. So the other day I was in a moment of trying to feel better about something and allowing my flesh to have a bit of control, God spoke very clearly and showed me this song. Before I have you read the lyrics I want you to know that God did this for me and if you allow Him to, He will do it for you too!! This song has beco

This morning I started to read Romans, I can already tell this is going to be slow going in that I have 4 bibles, 2 different translations but each has different commentaries on the verses I read as well as a book to help me understand each book in the bible. I chose Romans because it is the most basic in the whole truth of the Gospel. I am just blown away by the things Paul has said and I am only through the first few verses. I have been reading for about two hours and yes only the first few verses but part of that was getting all the back ground of a new book. But really what I want to focus on is the amazing heart Paul had for the people of Rome. Yes he was a Roman citizen and yes he knew many people in Rome, but when the Jews, they believe, came back from Pentecost started a church and allowed the Gentiles to be apart, they received flack from the other Jews who had not yet converted. I just love Paul's heart though because he longed to be with them. He desired for them to know