1 Thes. 5:16-18

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes. 5:16-18 NIV

How simple are these three verses and yet we think that there is so much more we need to do, for us to be in God's will. We take them in and let them out so easily. As if God CAN'T want something so simple, He is a BIG God and so He MUST want something BIG. This is a lie. We run around in circles trying to figure out the will of God and yet we can't seem to find it because we are looking in the WRONG direction. We hear God, We MOVE, and then leave God in the dust because He made a turn and we didn't hear him because we didn't STOP and ask. God doesn't change, His plans for us don't change, YET we seem to think that He is the one that changes when we head in the wrong direction. We blame Him for ditching us and not telling us when to move, when REALLY it is us who didn't stop and ask for a new direction. We just go off on this path and then expect God to follow us. Although He meets us where we are, we are the ones who move. So if God's will is so simple and we can't seem to figure the big stuff out, maybe we aren't supposed to. I have heard SO MANY christians say, "If God would just tell me what His will is for my life, then I could just do it, but I have not a clue where to start." So my question to you is, if you are not doing these three simple things, then you are out of Gods will. Be JOYFUL ALWAYS!!!! That is Gods will for you. But you have to CHOOSE JOY and you have to do two other things to please God. Pray Continually, this may seem hard, but really it is keeping the lines of communication with God open at ALL times. Giving Thanks in ALL circumstances, this is a hard one, but SOOOO necessary to learn how to fight and do what you need to in Christ. You NEED to train yourself to do this all the time. Say thank you Jesus constantly. This is a great way to fight our daily fight if we could just keep this in mind as the enemy throws those firey darts at us. And as we continue to walk this way, God's plan will happen and you will be able to know how to deal with the blessings and the hardships. It is amazing how your view will change on EVERYTHING as you begin to allow God to change you and as you begin to thank Him for ALL He has done, is doing, and will do. Be confident of Him, He sure is of you. Thank you Father, that eventho it seems so simple, you HAVE told us how to do your will, please allow us to be aware of that and allow us to KNOW that as we begin to take those steps you will change our view. Thank you for giving us your will for us in your word. Thank you so much for allowing us to be mindful of you.

As we approach Thanksgiving, what do you have to be thankful about? What can you continually pray for? How can you be joyful always?

To LIST or NOT to list...that is the question

I am NOT a list maker, I am not a BIG Goal setter. I enjoy life as it comes and I try to prayerfully enter every decision, the key word here is TRY. So last week when we were in our womens bible study, I found it interesting that they were talking about what they do to try and stay focused on praying. To try and not get distracted and I just found it so fascinating that these Godly women made lists while they were in prayer. I am not here to tell you if that is right or wrong I am just here to ask a question and for you to seek God on the answer. So my question is, if you get distracted and want to remember things, but are in a time of prayer, should you make a list OR ask God to bring back to YOUR rememberance the things you need to do, get or anything else that distracts you from His Presence? If that isn't clear let me show you. My mom is a definite list maker she writes things down so she doesn't forget to do them, doesn't forget things at the grocery store and this usually happens in the middle of the night. She will be woken up by these thoughts of tasks to do. She has a pen and pad of paper by her bed so she can write them down and make sure that they are taken care of, I understand that and that is how her brain works. She is always in the middle of like 5 projects so I think that it is important for her to do that for her own sanity. Now for ME I am not that way, you may say that I am lazy and don't want to or you may think that I just don't have enough responsibility and so it hasn't happened yet, but I believe that the reality of it is that I am NOT a list maker. I take things as they come and I rely more on God than my list. I am not saying my mom doesn't, because she always does. I am just saying that I tend to let Him worry about that stuff and don't want to carry it around with me. To me it just isn't worth the weight. That must sound horrible to you but it is the honest truth, I would rather not carry things around that I don't need to. So back to the question, if you are getting ready to spend time in prayer, then is it good to keep a piece of paper handy to make a list. I am going to say NO, and here is my biblical backup. Luke 10:38-42 At the Home of Martha and Mary "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." What do you think? Do you think that to keep yourself from getting distracted you use other distractions? or do you think that to require yourself to totally focus on God makes it easier to train your brain to quiet itself and just wait on the Lord? Ask God what is better for you to do so that it will allow you to enter into His presence. Thank you Lord for tearing the veil and allowing us to be able to boldly come before you.

How will you enter into His presence today? With task in hand or not?

Colossians 1:17

" He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Col. 1:17 This is the sum of my life. Nothing I do can make my life work. Nothing I do can make myself change, and nothing I do can make creativity flow. The only way for that to happen is for God to go before me and prepare the way. I know that this verse holds true in my life and in all I do. I hope it blesses you today! Thank you Father for YOUR WORD!

Standing for what is right

So, Thursday night I was up way too late, yet because of my obedience God is always faithful in the midst of that. I was up to spend time in my word and to share my heart with MY creator. This question about the Levites not getting land and why has been bugging me. I knew why and I could explain it but I couldn't find the reference so last night was my time to seek. It was about seeking His heart and not finding the answer, yet in His faithfulness, that is what he is and does. So the answer starts in Genesis 34 with the story of Dinah and Shechem.

"And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel. And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife. And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come. And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him. And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done. And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife. And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you. And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein. And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give. Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife. And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister: And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us: But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people. But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone. And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son. And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father. And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying, These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters. Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised. Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us. And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city. And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister. They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field, And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house. And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house. And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?"

All I know is that this is a story of complacency and disobedince. Complacency for Jacob to not defend his daughter and not allow her to be treated like that, and disobedince for Simeon and Levi. Ok to our next passage. Genesis 49:5-7

"Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall. Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel."

This is so sad, that was the inheritance and blessing that they received from their father. That is not how I would want my father to bless me. Ok so to see the redemption that came from this sad story here is Exodus 32:19-29

"And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount. And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it. And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them? And Aaron said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people, that they are set on mischief. For they said unto me, Make us gods, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:) Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the LORD's side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him. And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men. For Moses had said, Consecrate yourselves today to the LORD, even every man upon his son, and upon his brother; that he may bestow upon you a blessing this day."

So now you know what I was seeking out. See the amazing thing about this story is that first, the sin was commited. Then, the gravity and reality of sin was spoken over them. Then you see the amazing redemption that comes from it! So my question to you is, will you stand for what is, righ no matter the cost? Do it and see what happens.

Liberty vs Freedom

I was getting ready to go to sleep at this hour as others are peacefully resting and there like a faithful friend, God speaks in his infinite wisdom for me to write. So here I am...

Have you ever thought about the difference between Liberty and Freedom? Why is freedom something we take advantage of? Why is liberty not used unless describing something you do, like "I took the liberty of..."? I have never claimed to have all the answers but maybe this will atleast be thought provoking. I believe that Liberty is something you take, it is ground that we tread on to accomplish something. Whether it be the liberty of taking the trash out before being asked to, or getting someone a glass of water. I believe it all comes from taking something by choice. Ok so we have taking something by choice but what about something that is given to you. Freedom is fought for by our amazing faithful soldiers and yet freedom doesn't seem to be taken it seems to be given. Liberty seems to be taken as a last resort or as a courtesy for someone else. But Freedom is given, I know that when I was born I didn't have to take my liberty or fight for freedom it was just there for me to have as I pleased. I was free to choose and walk in that. I know that in alot of ways they are the same. But in our modern language they are close and yet used differently. I know that when you are fighting in a spiritual battle, you take the liberty to fight, yet freedom isn't accomplished until the battle is over. Liberty doesn't mean control of others. Freedom doesn't mean carelessness of others feelings. How can you take both of these things and help others gain ground in them? What areas of your life aren't Free? What areas of your life do you need to take the liberty of giving over to God? What do you continue to hold on to? "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance (Freedom) to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord." Luke 4:18-19 (KJV) Liberty is an action, Freedom is the response. Lets walk in Freedom today...Thank you Jesus for liberating us through the cross, and giving us freedom to walk in.

No Better Place to be

"Well, I was eight years old when I decided to follow Jesus
I started down that road
Somebody told me that this path that leads to heaven
Will not be the easy way
Well I found that to be true
Oh, but I also found, I found out there's

CHORUS
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No other place I'd rather be
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No better place to be

Now I know this road has a final destination
But I also know that if we're only looking for the prize that's waiting
We'll miss so much along the way
'Cause Jesus came to bring us life in the here and now
And to show us that there's

CHORUS
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No other place I'd rather be
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No better place to be

BRIDGE
I know this path we travel on
Is very straight and narrow
But I've looked down other roads along the way
And from all I've seen I can say without a doubt there's" No Better Place-Steven Curtis Chapman

I want you to understand why I picked this song to be the opener for this post. It is because as I was driving home yesterday, God pointed something out to me. If you look at the second verse and reread it I hope you see what I did so very clearly. We ARE to have an eternal focus, we are to look forward to Heaven BUT if we keep it there we will miss what He has called for us to do here TODAY!!! I want to make sure that I don't miss what needs to be done here just as much as I want my eternal perspective to remain. This is definitely a balancing act and sometimes it isn't easy. Its so easy to miss what we need to do here when all we are hoping for is heaven, and it is so easy to forget about Heaven when we get entangled in the things of this world. I know that part of our need for God is to keep our focus balanced. We want to get rid of the pain so we gaze to heaven, the place of no more pain and sorrow. Then our circumstances scream and our focus is now in the moment and we can loose the reason for us being here. It isn't easy. I suck at it most of the time, until I am reminded like I was yesterday that it is about being mindful of Heaven in our circumstances. It is allowing people to work out their issues in not getting the answers they want with God, and reminding them and ourselves of a better place. A friend said one time, "For a non christian, this is the closest they will EVER get to heaven, but for us as christians, this is the closest we will get to Hell." WOW! Pretty profound if you think about it. If I have to endure a bit of Hell here to get Heaven and all that that entales then I am more than content here on earth, as long as he wants me to be. I am so blessed and amazed at how realizing that our job here is to tell others of Jesus and bring them with us, then that is what we need to do. So today let us try and keep a heavenly perspective as we deal with the physical world. I want to take as many people with me, to that BETTER PLACE!

My JOSEPH Story Part 3-From Slippery Slope to Violence

Being younger and knowing that one day I would meet other people who shared apart of who I am, always made me excited to see what God was going to do in my life. Not knowing what was really in my heart. But I know that this life is WAY to short and that it isn't always nice, even if you are. I know that hearing what the world says about you ISN'T WHO YOU ARE unless you let it be. I did for a long time and it required me to see that I was doing that to change. You don't have to live down to their expectations of you. No matter who is telling you that. Learning how to break free from other people's underestimations of you is something that I am daily retraining my brain how to do. I know that this may seem weird coming from someone like me but I have always had a violent rebelliousness about me, as a young child it was a good thing because I violently rebelled against the enemy. Yet when I got older it became a violent rebellion against "THE CHURCH". I never STOPPED loving God, I started LOVING ME more. I violently removed Him from His rightful place and began to sit on a throne I was definitely too small for. It started with the confession of my violent rebellion, Much like the Bible says the you need to believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord. I confessed that I knew better than He did what was good for me. I remember the day that happened. I was in the car with my friend, she was driving and I turned to her and confessed that I was done with church and that I was OVER IT ALL! WOW!!! Pretty bold, even violent of me to do, especially KNOWING very well that God was right there with me. Now I KNOW that I had broken His heart many times before in small ways. This time was very violent and right out in the open, which made it very evident that I was done. I KNEW better and I was going to walk that way. Now at this point I had two choices, I could take the path of less resistance, OR I could take the violent road less traveled. Guess which one I took. Definitely NOT the violent road less traveled. I took the road of least resistance which meant utter resistance against God. We will get there though. Ok so after that initial confession I began my slippery descent into the pit God would later Graciously and beautifully pick me up from.

Ok so without detail that I don't feel is necessary, Sin began to RULE and REIGN in my life. This was evident to everyone who knows me. I walked in that element the easiest way I WOULD GO! God knew that there was alot of things I needed to be rid of and He allowed me to walk the easiest way I honestly would walk which wasn't easy at all. So in this descent I so simply slid down, came alot of heartbreak for my family. Through all this JUNK that I walked through, God remained faithful. This wasn't a surprise to me until I started to see the restoration that came from this. As my time in this pit grew to an end I began to really see the damage I caused. It was like a bull in a china shop. I felt as if it was unrestorable. Who am I to say that? God can restore ANYTHING He wants to whether I believe it or not. That is His right as GOD!!! He IS...I AM NOT!!! So as I looked at my life and desired to change the way I was, required me to VIOLENTLY take myself OFF the throne of my heart and gladly give Him, His rightful place. I don't say violently as a joke or say it lightly. I mean violently, it required ALOT of giving it all back to Christ, laying it all down, and WALKING AWAY FROM things. I had to continually lay my friends down at the foot of the cross, after forcefully dragging them there and then walking away from them. It was in this time that a friend of mine was speaking at our church and said something very profound yet simple. "Intercession for people, is dragging them into the throne room of grace and praying for them without them even knowing." That was what I was required to do for the ones I had hurt and the ones I had bought down with me. See I didn't go alone in this journey and I know that none of them would blame me for the things they did but I didn't do my part and discourage them from coming on this journey with me. So as God was graciously restoring me, and cleaned up all the pieces big, small and utterly shatterred, I violently continued to remove myself from the place I felt entitled to sit on. I say violently because that is what it is like. Have you ever thought about the phrase, "Crucify the flesh"? Crucifixion was not a peaceful event, it wasn't something that was taken lightly and it most certainly wasn't without cause for devistation in some form. Crucifixion was violent, bloody, painful, excruciating and ended in death. So to crucify the flesh isn't asking your flesh to move over, that does nothing and just as violently as it took the place of God, I HAD to take it back the exact same way. If I wanted ALL that God had promised me and ALL that He had planned I had to violently take it back. I know I keep using that word but lately this verse has been ringing in my heart. "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." Matt. 11:12 There are many ways to take this but I see it that we have to take the Kingdom of God violently. Our enemy is NOT peaceful when he takes over territory and neither can we be. We MUST take the Kingdom BACK by force. Just like in the old testiment the land of Canaan was taken by force, we must do the same now. Take back what the devil has unrightfully stolen and take it back by FORCE. Be violent and unrelenting in your prayers and remember Matt 11:12, if God requires righteous men to use violence as a way to take back His land and people, then if placed in the wrong hands violence IS harmful. Yet violence in the right hands, can become God's fulfillment of scripture. I choose TODAY to take back what was stolen, whether it means violently dragging my friends into the throneroom and speaking TRUTH over them, not to allow my words to make them live down to someone else's decision of who they are, or violently engaging in warfare on my own behalf. I choose to speak the truth and violently take the Kingdom of Heaven for God! I choose violence, what do you choose?

UP

This past week I have walked with some friends through so very hard things and the thing that I am reminded of the most is...Jesus is where it all starts, and you HAVE to recognize that. He will change you and He will allow you to be who you need to be in Him. I just recently got some very difficult news and considering it was WAY bigger than I am I went and got Godly advice. The best advice I got in how to deal with it was, "It all starts at the cross, to find others, you have to intersect at the cross." Thank you for the advice because that goes for anything. When you are looking to change or see others change it all starts with refocusing your eyes on the Cross and admitting that you need to start changing first. Until this is recognized, nothing else will work. Jesus HAS to be where your focus lies and Jesus HAS to be where YOU Yourself begin to change. No family, friendship, relationship, or marriage will work without this humbling self examination and recognition. There is no other way to do this than to throw up the white flag and LOOK UP!!! I know that I need to be constantly reminded to LOOK UP!!! Lord, my prayer is today that we would stop, take our eyes off of us and LOOK UP!!! Thank you that we are able to refocus and see YOU for who YOU ARE!!! I love you Jesus, please help me to LOOK UP today!

Sisters-can't live with or without them

I am not sure if you have sisters but I have alot. I am not talking about sisters in Christ, I am talking about clothes sharing/fighting, bathroom stealing, yelling, screaming, loving, laughing, arguing, hitting, hugging, favor picking, mean word throwing, lovable, hateable, irritating, beautiful, Godly, annoying, but mostly family sisters. I have 3 biological sisters, one adopted sister, and one stand-in sister. I think that brings my total up to 5. All of them are beautiful in their own ways. One of them I don't know at all. I am not even sure she wants anything to do with me, in fact I am pretty sure she doesn't. So really lets focus on the other 4. Now if I were to really count how many of my closest friends are like sisters in that they have poured into my life and lovingly allowed me to pour into theirs I think the total is more than I have fingers. I love them all dearly and yet today I want to talk about these 4 and what they represent to me. I will name them and I will do my best (if this blogger thing will let me) to allow you to see them as the beautiful women they are...First lets start with my Beautiful Hawaiian sister Leilani...

She is beautiful both inside and out, sweet, loving, generous, giving, caring, precious, Godly, and loves me even with all my craziness. On my Birth Fathers side she was the first sibling I talked to and that was a huge deal for us both. For her, she had lived her life not knowing about me or even thinking that I existed, and then when I showed up in her life almost 5 years ago now, things were different than they are now. She didn't want to have anything to do with me. She was angry and really thought I was out to get something from the family. God made his first move. The day my Birth Father had talked to me he told me about her and that we should be close and see each other. So after our endearing conversation, I called her. Now I had no expectations or anything, I just called, not realizing that I could have been a threat to her. I remember it as clear as day our conversation. I called her and told her that I was her older sister and that I just got off the phone with our Father and that we should meet. I didn't know it until later that she had previously had issues with me and there was no way for me to know by the sound of her voice on the phone. I offered to meet her whenever she was comfortable with that and she insisted that we meet the next day. I was game so we did. See up until the moment that she heard my voice she wanted NOTHING to do with me. This is so God because if I would have even thought about it for a second I would have hesitated and probably not called but I didn't so when I did, God broke something in her that she didn't know could be broken, or maybe didn't even want it to be. From that day on, there is a deep connection that we share, and I love it. We often talk about how we missed so much time, that we don't want to miss more. We do what we can and enjoy the time we have together. I love her so deeply and now I can't imagine my life without her. There is just certain things she understands about me that no one else really gets. She loves me because I am her sister and I take care of her and our younger brother the best I can. I run my mouth in advice, even unsolicited, but she loves me anyway. I give her my thoughts and tell her the truth and not always in the most gentle way, but she loves me and I love that through OUR story God can show His faithfulness. She knows Jesus and loves Him like I do. That is such a TREASURE to me and I am so proud of her. I am blessed to have a sister who understands my Love for Jesus, even without words. In Hawaiian, Leilani means heavenly flower, and that is what she has been to me, a sign of Hope a way that Jesus wants to bless our lives even if we didn't know it existed. I love you Sister!!!

This is Mandee Rae, She is so special to me. I love her dearly, I don't get to see her as much as I would like to, but we talk and just love each other even at a distance. She has loved me and thought about me my whole life. She is from my Birth Mothers side and she is protective of me and just loves me with all that she is. We both have very cheerful spirits and I know that to her I get to be the baby sister. With Leilani, I always feel responsible for her. I know that I don't need to be but its in me to protect her and be HER big sister, so with Mandee it is a relief to be able to let her do that for me. She does and I know she does, even without us talking everyday. Our hearts are linked in a different way. She loves me as I am, mess and all and yet will allow me to grow, move and change to be who God wants me to be. The day after I talked to my Birth Mother, I called my sister Mandee at work. There were no tears just joy and laughter. It was so great. My heart had connected to hers in a new way. She had been waiting for this day her whole life and if had finally come. I was so blessed and I was glad that she had looked forward to it as well. I will never forget that conversation. Like I said it was definitely different from my conversation with Leilani, in that she knew I existed and was just waiting on the right time to see me again. I talked with her for a while and then spoke with my older brother Jason, He was the one that cried. I will tell you about him and the other boys another time. That was a great day. To give you a time frame, I spoke with my Birth Mother, the next day I spoke with Mandee. In the next few months, that is when I found and met Leilani. I told you this wouldn't be in order. I was just blessed that both of my sisters knew Jesus. I was blessed that not only did they know Him they loved Him and did what they could to walk with Him. Mandee represents forgiveness. Eventhough our past follows us, there is forgiveness. The way that God allowed me to be brought into this world was very sinful and yet He allowed forgiveness to shine more than the action. God is faithful to forgive you of EVERYTHING you have done, NO MATTER WHAT!!! This was another amazing answered prayer. I love you Sis!!!

This is my replacement sister, Tiffany. You have to understand, first, being Hawaiian EVERYONE is family over there. AND God really replaced my sister Mandee, for Tiffany while I grew up. God knew what I needed more than I did. Tiffany was my best friend and my stand in older sister. Now she lived next door to me for 9 years and I am sure that I annoyed her and was the third wheel, clingy and all the other things you can think of but that was me. Anything she said was truth, and NO ONE not even my mom could convince me otherwise. I always tried to please her and make her want to be around me more. I don't honestly remember my life without her. I don't think that ever really happened. She was the only friend I thought I needed. None of my other friends or family compared to her and that caused problems for me but I will share that later. When we were small we pretty much did everything together. My mom watched her and Chad (sometimes, when he would let her) while their parents worked and Tiffany and I had plenty of locked in garages with no electricity (thanks for THAT, you KNOW who you are), getting chased around the house, getting caught by her dad for staying up too late when we were surfing in the family room, talking in our sleep moments, fighting and me saying "We should pray" and her getting frustrated at me moments. We have lots of those but none of those take away from the sleepy tears cried over a boy, the breakup shopping spree my mom sent us on, the times where we just laid and talked, or the moments we get now. We don't get alot of them and I am honored when we do, but that is what makes us sisters. I learned A LOT from her, how to stand up for myself, to speak my mind when it is important, how to be a better friend and tell my friends the truth, how to not be the kind of person who ALWAYS says what they want to hear but what they NEED to hear, who loves unconditionally their family and friends, and someone who knows me and can feel my heart even when they are literally thousands of miles away. Tiffany represents grace in my life. God knew that plucking me from my family meant that I needed to have replacements and SHE is the grace given me. No matter how far we are from each other, no one can replace who she is to me, and I for her. I love you Tiff!! If God had to replace Mandee, I am glad you were the one chosen, I wouldn't have made it without you. I love you!!!

Finally, my love, my heart, my sister Tara. I want to tell you that she is amazing in every way. She is brilliant, smart, organized, beautiful, witty, cleaver, challenging, generous, loving, honest, truthful, forgiving, wonderful, goofy, funny, silly, crazy, a lover of Jesus, and most importantly, the one who understands all of me the best. I know I have said that about all of them, but Tara knows because we have lived together for practically 27 years, give or take a few. This beautiful girl you see here is a trooper. I didn't hurt my other sisters, like I hurt this one, and yet she loves me. I was mean and rude, and down right ugly to her, and she loves me. I loved my sister Tara for as long as she has been alive. I remember clearly that when we found out that she had been born, and born a month early, we went to the hospital. Although I was three I thought I was MUCH older, and that I would be allowed to see her. When they wouldn't let me in the neonatal unit I threw a FIT!! Imagine standing back in a hospital waiting room and seeing this little 3 year old girl in purple leotard, purple tights and a pink tutu. That was me, thinking I was a ballerina and being ever so sweet, until the hammer dropped and they told me I couldn't go, I threw a fit like no other. I remember my grandmother picking me up and trying to drag me out of the hospital, I was kicking, biting, hitting, the whole works so that I could get out of her arms and go with my parents. I wanted to see MY sister. Who were they anyways, she was MINE!!! So we proceeded out side to the courtyard where I could get as far away from my grandmother as possible, and I did, although far enough at three is where she is just little enough to still see her. So thus began my new life as a big sister to Tara. I even remember I had an opinion about her name. Well time went on and the more fun I had with her. She was like my little doll, that was until she could actually move away from me. I loved her and yet she always wanted to be with me and I didn't always want to be with her. Well I know that is normal but I loved her so much too that I was torn. Well we began to share a room and things were good, and then we moved. It was alright after that but it got a little harder. partly because I wanted to have her around and want to be around me more, yet I didn't make time for her. We started fighting and I started coping an attitude because I was getting to be a teenager, then we still loved each other and depending on who we were fighting with we were on the opposite team most of the time. If we both saw things the same way then we were fighting together against our parents. Now usually in our play fighting it with Brian now but back then things were intense. I graduated, things in my life went sour, by MY doing not anyone else, and we grew more apart. Tara would always protect and defend me if she could and it was something good, she didn't like anyone who was mean to me and didn't like anyone that would have hurt me, that I am grateful for. She stood up for me alot of times when I needed it. But when I turned 20 and MY LIFE was spinning out of control, the worst thing I could do to hurt my sister and make her not trust me, was to hurt our parents. I was awful, fortunately God STILL had His hand on me and brought me through that. I do want you to know that now God is healing and restoring our relationship to "BETTER THAN BEFORE" remember that was His promise to me. God is faithful to do exceedingly, abundantly above ALL we could ask or think and this is truly a story of that. Tara represents God's Faithfulness in Restoration. God desires for us to have a restored relationship with Him and others. Tara has beautifully taught me that. She represents that to me more than anyone else I know... I love you SISSY with all my heart, thank you for forgiving me, loving me, and allowing yourself to see me differently. I am so sorry for ALL the stuff I did to you and thank you for being YOU!!! I know that without you, I COULDN'T be ALL God wants from me. You have taught me so much and I look forward to our futures. I truly love you with every ounce of who I am and sissy, I am glad that with the mighty ducks and eveything else, you and I are on the same page.

I love each one of them, and have different relationships with them all, but the only reason this is amazing is because this is CHRIST'S story for us. He desires relationship with us, He desires to have a closeness with us in a way that NO ONE else understands. And as much as I love each of these girls and SO many others, Jesus loves them more. Thank you for sharing a part of my heart with me and I hope you remember to thank Jesus everyday for the sisters you have. Whether they are IN CHRIST or family.

Who can I bless today like these women have blessed me, and changed my life? Please let me not miss that opportunity.

My JOSEPH Life Part 2

I have always felt a sense of being out of place and if you read my previous post that partly was because of the questions, I also believe that it was because I had to have questions for another part of my story to come true. I have to warn you that this isn't going to be in order because there are way too many aspects of my life that are all connected so I am going as I am directed...

As these questions progressed in my ears, I grew more curious. I knew that I needed to begin to seek out my family even if I ended up with a dead end, or problems. See in my mind when I was younger I wanted to wait until I was married and not living in my parents house to find my family, just in case there was some problems, but God had other things in store. When I was in the summer before me entering my Esthetics class, I had this very STRONG desire to seek my family out. I had heard one time that when you make BIG choices in your life you should take a week before making a BIG purchase or making a BIG decision. So with that in mind that is what I did, I prayed for it for 7 days and then about 2 hours after the 7 days was up I applied online. I only went to the free registering websites and put in all the information that I had, but I didn't expect ANYTHING. Within 4 hours I had an email giving me information on my birthmother. I went to my parents and made sure that they were ok with things before I contacted her. The conversation answered alot of my questions but there was SO much more to see and walk through. Over the next few days I got to talk to my family and eventually I met my aunts and some of my cousins and then I got to meet my birth mom. Then, a few months later my birth father wrote me a letter to let me know that he was aware that I was looking for everyone and I was in the middle or writing him back. I got a phone call and it was him. We talked for almost two hours, the next day I went to meet my sister who lives here in Long Beach. It was the most AMAZING thing to see someone who looked like me in ways and laughed like me. That was the beginning of all the relationships it has been an amazing journey so far and I love that we have the rest of our lives together. It has helped me understand myself more and silenced those penetrating questions. I love that we have relationships with each other and that God is using this as a way to complete me. I am so blessed to be able to see his saving grace in my life.

The reason that I call this My Joseph story is because God literally picked my up out of the situation I was born into and placed me in a different one. God has shown me over and over that I would have been forgotten by the world and so He placed me into a loving family that blesses me each and every day. I have an older brother and an older sister that God removed me from and gave me Chad and Tiff. My brother and sister are pretty much the same ages as they are, and personalities are very similar. I love how God writes our stories. I have a younger brother who actually just called me last night and told me that he proposed to his girlfriend last night and is getting married. I can't tell you how amazing it is to have this family be APART of my life now. I know that God did it in His own time and in His own way but this is apart of the story that He is writing for me. The best thing I could cling to growing up was a sense that there were 4 people who loved me, 2 who gave me up and 2 to bring me in and love me like their own. I am grateful everyday that this is My God-given story. There are so many more things I want to share with you but I will save those for a later date. I will leave you with some pictures of my family.

My JOSEPH Life Part 1

My friend asked me the other day if I was going to start to write my testimony out on here. Well I decided that I think it may be time for certain things. I know that I have eluded to certain aspects of my life and I am not sure what you know or don’t know about me but I will tell you what I believe I need to share. Other things will be left for later, a book or other things I will write. So here is the first of many about me.

I am adopted and as a young girl, I mean 2, 3, and 4 years old. I struggled with many questions. Who I looked like and who I talked like, why I reacted the way I did and who’s smile I had. Although I had an amazing childhood and was definitely allowed to have a childhood, which I am very aware that others were not afforded these necessary and simple luxuries I was allowed well into my teen years. These questions, I am aware, are not your typical questions but not having anything to go on other than my mom telling me that I was special, that her, my dad and Jesus loved me just the way I was became harder as I got a baby sister who looked like them. She had blond hair, blue eyes and a temperament much like they did. It was hard for me to NOT feel like I stuck out, and some of the people I looked up to most in the whole world always lovingly teased me, but while I already had questions. They made it obvious to me that other people saw what I saw. I don’t blame them or even care anymore but I tell you this so that later you can see what I did in how God truly brought Romans 8:28 to life for me. This defined me all the way into my 20’s. These burning questions got stronger as my sister and I grew older and apart. That is another story I may tell one day, but as for my questions I grew intrigued by them. Through this God had his hand on me and surrounded me with people who made these questions scream at me. I had nothing to go on, I had no direction and I had NO plan of action to make these questions relent. So I continued on my journey with these things screaming in my ear. Now I want you to know that I am not saying that these things destroyed me or made life harder, they didn’t, they were just constantly at the front of my mind. It was always the question of “What if I see someone who looks like me? Could THAT be my brother/sister? If they came and found me what would I do? Who am I if I know them? What family does that REALLY make me apart of? Who am I in and of myself? Why didn’t they want me? What is wrong with me that they didn’t want me? How many sisters and brothers do I have? Will they like me? Do they know about me?” I am sure that you may have had questions like this rise up, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have dealt with these questions for a long time. I know what it is like and hopefully this gives you the insight to who I am and where I come from. These questions would later be answered and the relentless outcry of them would eventually cease, but not without soaking my pillow, clothes and face with many, many tears. You see even as I began to head in the direction of finding family and allowing my questions to be answered, allot of damage could have been avoided. Aside from some other things that happened in my life, I had turned out to be a pretty awful person. I wanted to silently make others live in the pain I was feeling and wasn’t totally ready to give up the rights to my rejection, pain and hurt. I felt that they were MINE to hold onto and that I had a RIGHT to feel anyway I wanted because I WAS A VICTIM and I WAS HURTING!!! That is a LIE!!! I am not ENTITLED to ANYTHING, I am given things in this life by grace, God’s great GRACE ALONE!!! Because He loves me I am blessed to have things and others love me. Because He loves me I was chosen for this journey and because HE loves me I am able to write and express God’s love to this dying world. Notice nothing is because of me, I just get the end result. I get to have the amazing blessing of being loved by my gracious Savior. There is so many things that I want to share with you about this but I will wait for a better time. So as for now I want to leave you with this, there will ALWAYS be questions in life and there will always be things to make you question yourself. In all of life’s questions remember that no matter what YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD! You ARE loved by an amazing Creator and no matter what you have gone through in life there is HOPE for YOU!!! Keep that in mind when questions scream…

Dead, Gone and Bringing RAIN!!!

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down. It can come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and people. You just get back up and move along. You can’t allow it to keep you down forever. You will have to get up and fight. I have been the walking wounded for some time now and I know that things are painful and you loose those that you love, you loose people that you care about and its always good to know how strong you really are. These are things that we need to be reminded of often. It isn’t so hard to see your own strength when things are good, it takes those times that you are literally the walking wounded to see how much strength you have and how you can grow from it. Like Job we have to love God even when it hurts. Love is never easy but it is always the better way. Just keep in mind that Love never lets you down, People do!!! In my bible is says God is Love, and so because of that, you have to know that He does NOT disappoint, because He knows what is best for us. One of my favorite songs is Dead and Gone, by T.I. This may seem weird and I am going to allow you to read some of the lyrics in a moment but I wanted to explain why this song gives me hope. I have been wounded, in this war that we each fight everyday, many times and that is alright by me. Some wounds were superficial and some are deep to the core of who I am. This last core wound nearly struck me down in a different way than before. See most of the times before they been direct attacks on my family members and if they were attacks on me then I feel they were well deserved. Walking in sin has that consequence and I knew that and was willing to take responsibility for my actions. But this time was different, this time, it was directed at me. This time I was called names and told that I was a sinner who doesn’t know how to walk with God. Now, I rededicated my life to the Lord about 3 ½ years ago now and I was told that I have only been a Christian for that long and that nothing before mattered. I get that to a point but in my quiet times with the Lord, NEVER once did He say that to me. He told me that I would be RESTORED to better than I was before. Now that tells me that I was there before and yet turned away and now God is on the thrown of my heart once again, where He belongs. Sometime I will tell you how He was violently removed from His rightful place by me but not today. I want you to see what happened when He was gloriously placed back on it. I want you to read the lyrics first and then I will continue the process of His return.

I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my sideI turn my head to the west, still nobody in sightSo I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call prideThat old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alrightI turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my sideI turn my head to the west, still nobody in sightSo I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call prideThat old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright, 'causeOh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too longJust tryin' to find my way back homeBut the old me's dead and goneDead and goneAnd oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too longJust tryin' to find my way back homeBut the old me's dead and goneDead and gone.

This song is totally what happened and that was to allow God to show me that all I need is Him. All I need to do is run to Him and let His love fill my life. I was utterly cut to my core and as this happened God allowed me the time I needed to process this. You don’t ever come out of major injury or surgery totally 100% better the next day. Any Dr. will tell you that your physical body needs time to heal, just as much as your spirit does. There is a process that takes place, as you continue to lay it down, and realize that God is your ONLY option of being rescued and healed. There are so many things that happen to me but the most important one is that that God REACHED down and RESCUED me from the ASHES I was in. I was laying down ready to die. I may have but there was a glimmer of hope for me. The best way to describe this glimmer is like when one small piece of left over glitter is found on something after days of showers and washing clothes, there was this moment I saw it. It was ordained by God Himself but it was in that moment that I found hope. I haven't been the same since. So now the song I sing is a song called, “Bring the Rain” by MercyMe and I will leave you with those lyrics:

I can count a million times People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone throughThe question just amazes me Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You Maybe since my life was changed Long before these rainy days It's never really ever crossed my mind To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm But instead I draw closer through these times So I pray Bring me joy, bring me peace Bring the chance to be free Bring me anything that brings You glory And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain Holy, holy, holy Holy, holy, holy is the lord God almighty is the lord God almighty I'm forever singing
everybody singing Holy holy holyyou are holy you are holy