Unapologetically and Honestly Loving Others with Reckless Abandon

I am sitting in bed writting thru raw tears, tears of frustration with myself, tears of commanding my soul to praise God even when my flesh doesn't want to, tears of confusion, and tears of uncertainty, tears of hope and tears anguish! If all of those things and more are possible to feel all at the same time, it is coming out and all from the same place in my heart. Is it possible to feel these things at once? Well I am feeling them and eventhough they are all very real, they aren't all accurate. I'm feeling frustrated because I believe that God asked me to do something that seems to be very hard for me to do, yet in Faith I did it! Trusting in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. So boldly I asked God for something, then I just counted on it and yet it didn't happen. Now in the moments after it not taking place are these moments that I am writing thru now. This is the reason for the tears. Now I hate crying! My mom always told me as a young girl growing up to STOP cryi

Life doesn't always bring easy things to us, infact most of the time it doesn't, yet we are to enjoy life?!? How can we do this with a good attitude and still keeping our Faith intact? How can we carry the weight of not only OUR burdens but the burdens of others and still remain faithful to God? Sound like a burning question on your heart today? I am someone who, like I've said before, wants to fix things and help others but not always is that my job. Most of the time it isn't actually to do that, MY "JOB" is to take it to the Lord! But I do believe that there are other times when God has surrounded us with people who love and care for us enough that are to actively participate in helping us. And vice versa, when it comes to certain things. For example, why do we have funerals? Yes, to celebrate a life but really, we go for the living and not the dead. Why do we go to weddings and sometimes participate in them? Same reason, to show our love and support. Now th

God is calling me to a new and deeper level of Trust with him. Trust, to a point, comes easily for me. I trust you until you have done something to hurt me, or until my spirit says otherwise. But unrelenting trust isn’t something that is a natural reaction, my natural reaction is to try and figure it out. I want to confront the problem, come up with a solution and then tie it up in a pretty little bow, but how doesn’t that make me a better person? I want to be better in this specific area in my life and the only way to do that is to walk through it. I want to make plans and move forward with things and others in my life, yet HIS timing is ALWAYS PERFECT, His way is ALWAYS BETTER, and His will is ALWAYS RIGHT! I am living on a constant state of uncertainty at this time in my life. There are a ton of questions and a ton of things calling me to pay attention to them, Instead of what really matters! I am living in a constant state of, not ONLY surrender, but of constant reliability on God.

Isn't it funny how we have been trained that hunger is a bad thing? I find it ironic that the thing God uses to bring us to him, is exactly what the world would have us think is bad! I was driving home from work today with alot of questions, fears and anxiety screaming at me. To me that is a form of hunger. When the enemy is trying to remind you of who you were and what you have done. Then i realized that this pushing wasnt from God, thats when i determined it was time to do something about the screaming. Scream back out of MY HUNGER for God. Out if my hunger for His word, and out of my hunger for His presence. When it comes to that point I just had to do all I know to do and that is Praise the Lord with all that I am! I was driving on the Toll road and as I was there singing, it felt like no one else was there! The hills were displayed with tall green grass, yellow and purple flowers everywhere and with the sun shining! "Hungry" was playing and I was amazed at the peace