My JOSEPH Story Part 3-From Slippery Slope to Violence


Being younger and knowing that one day I would meet other people who shared apart of who I am, always made me excited to see what God was going to do in my life. Not knowing what was really in my heart. But I know that this life is WAY to short and that it isn't always nice, even if you are. I know that hearing what the world says about you ISN'T WHO YOU ARE unless you let it be. I did for a long time and it required me to see that I was doing that to change. You don't have to live down to their expectations of you. No matter who is telling you that. Learning how to break free from other people's underestimations of you is something that I am daily retraining my brain how to do. I know that this may seem weird coming from someone like me but I have always had a violent rebelliousness about me, as a young child it was a good thing because I violently rebelled against the enemy. Yet when I got older it became a violent rebellion against "THE CHURCH". I never STOPPED loving God, I started LOVING ME more. I violently removed Him from His rightful place and began to sit on a throne I was definitely too small for. It started with the confession of my violent rebellion, Much like the Bible says the you need to believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord. I confessed that I knew better than He did what was good for me. I remember the day that happened. I was in the car with my friend, she was driving and I turned to her and confessed that I was done with church and that I was OVER IT ALL! WOW!!! Pretty bold, even violent of me to do, especially KNOWING very well that God was right there with me. Now I KNOW that I had broken His heart many times before in small ways. This time was very violent and right out in the open, which made it very evident that I was done. I KNEW better and I was going to walk that way. Now at this point I had two choices, I could take the path of less resistance, OR I could take the violent road less traveled. Guess which one I took. Definitely NOT the violent road less traveled. I took the road of least resistance which meant utter resistance against God. We will get there though. Ok so after that initial confession I began my slippery descent into the pit God would later Graciously and beautifully pick me up from.
Ok so without detail that I don't feel is necessary, Sin began to RULE and REIGN in my life. This was evident to everyone who knows me. I walked in that element the easiest way I WOULD GO! God knew that there was alot of things I needed to be rid of and He allowed me to walk the easiest way I honestly would walk which wasn't easy at all. So in this descent I so simply slid down, came alot of heartbreak for my family. Through all this JUNK that I walked through, God remained faithful. This wasn't a surprise to me until I started to see the restoration that came from this. As my time in this pit grew to an end I began to really see the damage I caused. It was like a bull in a china shop. I felt as if it was unrestorable. Who am I to say that? God can restore ANYTHING He wants to whether I believe it or not. That is His right as GOD!!! He IS...I AM NOT!!! So as I looked at my life and desired to change the way I was, required me to VIOLENTLY take myself OFF the throne of my heart and gladly give Him, His rightful place. I don't say violently as a joke or say it lightly. I mean violently, it required ALOT of giving it all back to Christ, laying it all down, and WALKING AWAY FROM things. I had to continually lay my friends down at the foot of the cross, after forcefully dragging them there and then walking away from them. It was in this time that a friend of mine was speaking at our church and said something very profound yet simple. "Intercession for people, is dragging them into the throne room of grace and praying for them without them even knowing." That was what I was required to do for the ones I had hurt and the ones I had bought down with me. See I didn't go alone in this journey and I know that none of them would blame me for the things they did but I didn't do my part and discourage them from coming on this journey with me. So as God was graciously restoring me, and cleaned up all the pieces big, small and utterly shatterred, I violently continued to remove myself from the place I felt entitled to sit on. I say violently because that is what it is like. Have you ever thought about the phrase, "Crucify the flesh"? Crucifixion was not a peaceful event, it wasn't something that was taken lightly and it most certainly wasn't without cause for devistation in some form. Crucifixion was violent, bloody, painful, excruciating and ended in death. So to crucify the flesh isn't asking your flesh to move over, that does nothing and just as violently as it took the place of God, I HAD to take it back the exact same way. If I wanted ALL that God had promised me and ALL that He had planned I had to violently take it back. I know I keep using that word but lately this verse has been ringing in my heart. "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." Matt. 11:12 There are many ways to take this but I see it that we have to take the Kingdom of God violently. Our enemy is NOT peaceful when he takes over territory and neither can we be. We MUST take the Kingdom BACK by force. Just like in the old testiment the land of Canaan was taken by force, we must do the same now. Take back what the devil has unrightfully stolen and take it back by FORCE. Be violent and unrelenting in your prayers and remember Matt 11:12, if God requires righteous men to use violence as a way to take back His land and people, then if placed in the wrong hands violence IS harmful. Yet violence in the right hands, can become God's fulfillment of scripture. I choose TODAY to take back what was stolen, whether it means violently dragging my friends into the throneroom and speaking TRUTH over them, not to allow my words to make them live down to someone else's decision of who they are, or violently engaging in warfare on my own behalf. I choose to speak the truth and violently take the Kingdom of Heaven for God! I choose violence, what do you choose?

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