My JOSEPH Life Part 1


My friend asked me the other day if I was going to start to write my testimony out on here. Well I decided that I think it may be time for certain things. I know that I have eluded to certain aspects of my life and I am not sure what you know or don’t know about me but I will tell you what I believe I need to share. Other things will be left for later, a book or other things I will write. So here is the first of many about me.

I am adopted and as a young girl, I mean 2, 3, and 4 years old. I struggled with many questions. Who I looked like and who I talked like, why I reacted the way I did and who’s smile I had. Although I had an amazing childhood and was definitely allowed to have a childhood, which I am very aware that others were not afforded these necessary and simple luxuries I was allowed well into my teen years. These questions, I am aware, are not your typical questions but not having anything to go on other than my mom telling me that I was special, that her, my dad and Jesus loved me just the way I was became harder as I got a baby sister who looked like them. She had blond hair, blue eyes and a temperament much like they did. It was hard for me to NOT feel like I stuck out, and some of the people I looked up to most in the whole world always lovingly teased me, but while I already had questions. They made it obvious to me that other people saw what I saw. I don’t blame them or even care anymore but I tell you this so that later you can see what I did in how God truly brought Romans 8:28 to life for me. This defined me all the way into my 20’s. These burning questions got stronger as my sister and I grew older and apart. That is another story I may tell one day, but as for my questions I grew intrigued by them. Through this God had his hand on me and surrounded me with people who made these questions scream at me. I had nothing to go on, I had no direction and I had NO plan of action to make these questions relent. So I continued on my journey with these things screaming in my ear. Now I want you to know that I am not saying that these things destroyed me or made life harder, they didn’t, they were just constantly at the front of my mind. It was always the question of “What if I see someone who looks like me? Could THAT be my brother/sister? If they came and found me what would I do? Who am I if I know them? What family does that REALLY make me apart of? Who am I in and of myself? Why didn’t they want me? What is wrong with me that they didn’t want me? How many sisters and brothers do I have? Will they like me? Do they know about me?” I am sure that you may have had questions like this rise up, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have dealt with these questions for a long time. I know what it is like and hopefully this gives you the insight to who I am and where I come from. These questions would later be answered and the relentless outcry of them would eventually cease, but not without soaking my pillow, clothes and face with many, many tears. You see even as I began to head in the direction of finding family and allowing my questions to be answered, allot of damage could have been avoided. Aside from some other things that happened in my life, I had turned out to be a pretty awful person. I wanted to silently make others live in the pain I was feeling and wasn’t totally ready to give up the rights to my rejection, pain and hurt. I felt that they were MINE to hold onto and that I had a RIGHT to feel anyway I wanted because I WAS A VICTIM and I WAS HURTING!!! That is a LIE!!! I am not ENTITLED to ANYTHING, I am given things in this life by grace, God’s great GRACE ALONE!!! Because He loves me I am blessed to have things and others love me. Because He loves me I was chosen for this journey and because HE loves me I am able to write and express God’s love to this dying world. Notice nothing is because of me, I just get the end result. I get to have the amazing blessing of being loved by my gracious Savior. There is so many things that I want to share with you about this but I will wait for a better time. So as for now I want to leave you with this, there will ALWAYS be questions in life and there will always be things to make you question yourself. In all of life’s questions remember that no matter what YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD! You ARE loved by an amazing Creator and no matter what you have gone through in life there is HOPE for YOU!!! Keep that in mind when questions scream…

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