Tears



I am sitting in bed writting thru raw tears, tears of frustration with myself, tears of commanding my soul to praise God even when my flesh doesn't want to, tears of confusion, and tears of uncertainty, tears of hope and tears anguish! If all of those things and more are
possible to feel all at the same time, it is coming out and all from the same place in my heart. Is it possible to feel these things at once? Well I am feeling them and eventhough they are all very real, they aren't all accurate. I'm feeling frustrated because I believe that God asked me to do something that seems to be very hard for me to do, yet in Faith I did it! Trusting in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. So boldly I asked God for something, then I just counted on it and yet it didn't happen. Now in the moments after it not taking place are these moments that I am writing thru now. This is the reason for the tears. Now I hate crying! My mom always told me as a young girl growing up to STOP crying because she said I cried all the time and made a scene, I don't think so, but who knows! So I am not much of a cryer, because to me, it's a negative thing and yet, God didn't design it that way! So back to the reason I write tonight, it's because I think I asked boldly but didn't ask the right question. I often do this, so now through my tears and knowledge of what the RIGHT question is, I am going back to the throne room and goin to seek Gods face and allow Him to answer me His way and in His time. Sometimes the questions we need to ask are not about what we want for us and the others around us, but I believe the question should be, how can I serve God best by serving them? This is now the question I am going to be seeking out. Thank You Jesus for showing me the right questions to ask. Thank you for showing me YOUR heart for me Jesus and thank you that thru tears clarity can come. Just know that thru tears, sometimes things can become more clear. Don't avoid them, you may be avoidinb the bigger picture.

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