Gold vs. Apathy


I know that it has been a while since I have actually allowed my heart to be opened to writing again. So here we go...What is the difference between Apathy and Gold? How is it that they can even be compared, when one is an attitude and one is a tangible substance. Well let me show you. It may not seem like it but its funny how apathy comes in, makes a home and begins to bleed in to other areas in life. If you let it run its course, it WILL kill you slowly but definitely will end in death. I want to say that this is coming from personal experience and I want to call it what it is so that it has NO MORE power. I was hurt to my core and accused of some pretty awful things a few months ago, I have been trying to nurse my wounds and move on but it just hasn't seemed possible. I have wanted to be victorious and yet this seed of Apathy remained. It was the voice that said it was ok to allow your self to feel self pity and sit in it for a while. Although Ps. 1 says Blessed is he who doesn't sit in the seat of scoffers, isn't that what I have been doing in a way with myself. Scoffing myself and making my flesh feel better. YES!!! I will readily admit that. I need to take a step back and just allow the healing power of God to restore me, His way, and in His time. I can't rush it and I can't stop it, I can totally hinder it but I can't stop it. Not if I want to walk with God and be used by Him in the ways that He has planned for me. I was realizing that these trials that have gone on are similar to ones that I have endured before and have now hit different but still hard and hurtful. I just see that God is testing my heart again to make sure that I don't make the same mistakes that I did before. I just want to be pleasing to Him and I want to make sure that when trials come and when I am put through the fire, I come out as pure GOLD!!! That is my desire, no matter what I am walking through and no matter how much Apathy is at my back, I want to fulfill the desire of My ABBA! My daddy! I want His will above my own and I want Him to be what gets me through. I heard from a wise woman just a few weeks ago that when trials and such come her way, the only thing she wants is for God to promise her that when the trial is still over, she will still love Jesus! She didn't ask to be removed and she didn't want the trial to not teach her what she needs to know, she just wanted to make sure that no matter what she went through she would still love Jesus! How many of us can say that ultimately that is our goal? I couldn't before but today that is the only goal I have when I face trials and tribulation. Just like it says in James 1:2-8

"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he
does."

So I want to consider it JOY and focus on the fact that no matter what God NEVER changes and his love for me remains, He desires for me to learn and loves me enough to change me no matter how hard it is. There are two songs that come to mind when I think of how the Lord allows us to walk through pain and yet remain in Him if we stay close to Him. Please read these songs and be blessed.

"Come let us return unto the Lord(8 x's) He has torn us But He will heal us For He has wounded us But He will bandage us And he will come He will come to us like rain, spring rain He will come to us like rain, spring rain If we ask, He will come Send His rain on everyone For every child (soul) needs rain, spring rain For every child (soul) needs rain, spring rain" Come Let Us Return-Kevin Prosch

"When you've been broken, broken to pieces.And Your heart begins to faint'cause you don't understand.And when there is nothing to rake from the ashes.And you can't even walkonto the fields of praise.But I bow down and kiss the Son.Oh, and I bow down and kiss the Son.Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth.Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth.Well, though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.Well, though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.Though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.Though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.When the rock falls, falls upon you.And you get ground to dustno music for your pain.You open the windows, the windows of heaven.And then You opened meand You crushed me like a rose." Kiss the Son-Kevin Prosch

Thank you Jesus for getting me through, Thank you that the sting is slowly fading and that You have plans for MY LIFE!! I love you Jesus!!!! Father you have placed me here for such a time as this. Esther 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Thank you Father that you have plans to make me better and not to harm me. Thank you that you are faithful and thank you that you have allowed me to walk through this time and rest but NOW you are calling me to fight once again. I take the challenge with great Honor and stand Victorious. I love you ABBA!!!

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